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    Jokes - pictures, video jokes, funny stories and anecdotes.  Jokes - pictures, video jokes, funny stories and anecdotes And I ask you to stay who said

    Ah, this business logic ...

    “Stirlitz, if you don’t pay for electricity, we will disconnect
    you have a walkie-talkie. "
    I love money, but very professionally. S. Kirienko

    Stirlitz's program function is not just that, but positive. This means that Stirlitz prefers to wield at close range and help extremely close environment. Collected, calm, always active. Knows how it should be, despite the fact that he sees for the first time. Knows how to distribute work not only for himself, but also for others. Does not recognize any excuses and evasions, not delivering work on time is like death. Phenomenal performance, judges others by itself and requires the same return.

    It's another matter if, for example, you need to do something and an action plan immediately arises. tactical plans (how to do something better and more efficiently) is Stirlitz's strong point (business logic in software + sensorics of sensations in creative)

    If the decision by Stirlitz has already been made, then it is implemented quickly, efficiently, with the highest efficiency. Stirlitz are one of those who only harnesses for a long time, but travels quickly. And therefore, it is quick, that it harnesses it efficiently, and on the way nothing will fall off.

    “We don’t need someone else's apogee, and we will not give our apogee to anyone!” Gifts never. But here's your own, dear, given to use - it will definitely take away

    In fact, Stirlitz are lazy, they try to do the work as quickly as possible (to get rid of) and efficiently (so as not to redo and not blush for it), and then sleep and rest as much as possible ....
    Damn, our life is so stupid that it is impossible to redo all the work!

    The sensor system does not need whitening - this is what Stirlitz carefully controls.

    - Holmes! What are the similarities between the Eiffel Tower and a woman's leg?
    - Elementary, Watson, the higher, the more breathtaking.

    I am a spender, I often buy things, but only those that are needed. I want to buy what I need. And what is not needed - I don’t want to.

    As they say, what we create is why we fall down! If the goals for business logic are promoted by the methods of white sensing with a minus sign - beware, everything - Stirlitz will only help his close circle, but shortcomings, miscalculations and what could be made more beautiful and optimal - he will not regret such advice to the enemy. And what, let them know what to do through the stump-deck!
    He can calmly live in the field, but he adores delicious food and small pleasures of comfort. Stingy, but not greedy, as they say: you cannot beg for snow in winter, but can unselfishly donate significant sums for a good cause, is able to accumulate funds, but cannot refuse loved ones. He is happy to tinker around the house, it doesn't cost anything to nail down, repair, cook, iron: order comes first. Likes to dress discreetly but expensively, simply but elegantly.

    For example, if you ask to throw out the trash, he will do it right away without question, wash the dishes there, cook the food, wash it in this regard, it is just golden

    A good outfit, sex, style, taste, addictions to gourmet dishes, to good cars, but you cannot find more tight-fisted in socion for money, however, Stirlitz will find it if he tries!

    The ethics of emotions are also under control - the character is persistent, Nordic.

    Stirlitz looked at Muller with a challenge. Müller re-read the
    States challenged and burst into happy laughter.

    Either it smolders like a flame, then a small demon gallops the emotions of these timid light.
    But the light runs along the cord to the stick of dynamite - do not extinguish it in time - the explosion of Stirlitz is guaranteed to you. Exactly - during, before Stirlitz decides that he is losing control of the situation.
    Not verbose, but the speech is succinct and convincing. He rarely loses his temper, it is difficult to quarrel with him, he can say with a look instead of words. At home and with friends, he can fool around, joke and make fun.

    Stirlitz is very restrained, a thing in itself, you can hardly get his inner experiences out of him. So maybe it makes sense to leave them to himself?

    Intuition of time - where it is subtle, there it breaks.

    Recruiting Stirlitz, Müller asks a question on the questionnaire:
    - How old are you?
    Stirlitz had a chance to flirt:
    - How much would you give me?
    Müller considered himself a slender wit:
    - For life.

    Punctual, meticulous, harsh with violators of discipline. If he himself deceived, then it is impossible to force him to admit it - as a true diplomat with honor comes out of such a situation.

    If you somehow happen to live with Stirlitz, then keep in mind: the price of your freedom is his desperate straining, very strong experiences.

    Damn, why should you call back and say that plans have changed, there is a delay? Then you don't need to apologize or smear yourself on the rug. You just need to warn!

    And if a person has a tendency to such delays, then it is better for him to refuse to stipulate any terms altogether.

    The problem is not that it came later. The problem is that she didn't come when she said! That is, she slipped low-quality, unreliable information on time.
    And pouring unreliable information on painful information is like feeding a rotten child.

    If it is urgent for me and it is in my interests, it is clear that I will not wait.
    But if I don't specifically need it and it doesn't burn for me, then I can pull with it. Although, I still don't like to postpone things!

    If you guys knew how hard it is for Stirlitz to realize that he has NOT SUCCESSED something.
    discussing exact dates leads to conflicts

    At some point, after a long wait, you wait for Carlson only to clean the red face, tear off the propeller and throw it out of the window.

    And one more thing ... just don't try to lie ... Stirlitz may not be able to distinguish half-tones, but he can smell out a lie (in any case, somewhere the inconsistency will come out, and the more complex the combination, the more prominent it is).

    Intuition of opportunity in assets. And what about the liability?

    Walking down the street, Holmes and Watson hear:
    - Oo-oo-oo-oo!
    Watson asks Holmes:
    "Holmes, is that the Baskervilles dog howling?"
    - No, Watson, - Holmes calmly answers. “This is Sir Henry eating his morning oatmeal.

    A person is rich not in what he has, but in what he can do without

    It is difficult for Stirl to guess something, he prefers to know for sure.
    The process (going to barbecues) is getting out of control - accordingly, there is a great chance that the people will not like it, if the people did not like it, then this is an assessment of himself, and you know how a low assessment of his activities from the side affects Stirlitz ...

    Overfulfillment of the intended - this is such a draft buffer, a shield (shit) from lack of time

    Ethics of relations. Inspire me that everything is fine with us so that I believe in it!

    Stirlitz told a vulgar joke and drove
    Müller in paint.
    "Look how sensitive," I thought
    Stirlitz and closed the barrel.

    Straightforward and deadly, like a tank, in relationships he is more often like an elephant in a china shop. Words sometimes mean so little to him - I am convinced that it is better to act.

    And BE is one-dimensional, it is impossible to steer relations in any way.

    Stirlitz - "monogamous" will not look for a dual without unnecessary need, and even more so to change for him in everything, a partner who suits him, be it at least Don at least Napoleon or other representatives of our black-and-white environment of socion.

    Without BE at all, all people are not gifts, but on Shtirlitsy they somehow look more prominent.

    It is just that according to Stirlitz, it is very noticeable if they do not receive love, that they immediately begin to "run wild". In the meantime, they receive good relationship to good deeds - immediately and fair, and caring, and polite, and correct ...

    That is, if Stirlitz broke up with you in a bad way, you yourself are to blame

    White logic

    "How much is twice two?" Mueller asked. Stirlitz thought about it. He, of course, knew how much would be twice two, to him about it
    recently reported from the center, but he did not know if Mueller knew. AND
    if he knows, who told him. Maybe Kaltebruner? Then
    negotiations with Dulles are at an impasse.

    A restrictive function, like any restricting function, will never go beyond the bounds of what is permissible. And even more so, it will not allow it to be pushed from above by lifeless postulates like: is it accepted or it should be.
    Stirlitz is unlikely to listen to anyone with his mouth open, prefers to pretend that he has heard something and will definitely express his point of view, instantly orienting himself. If not boom-boom, it will translate the conversation so that the opponent will not notice. Argues reasoned, regardless of persons and titles. If he rests on his opinion, he cannot be moved by the tractor.

    Think over and calculate several options for different scenarios At least always in the possession of 3 options: Optimal, Real and Worst

    Stirlitz is the most rational of rationalists, this is both his plus and his minus. What follows from this. Yes, the fact that he will not change an awl for soap while in a sober mind and solid health.

    Life MUST be fair and correct, otherwise we ourselves will bring correctness and justice where it does not exist yet.

    Volitional sensing

    Stirlitz entered the Elefant cafe. “This is Stirlitz, now there will be
    a fight, ”said one of the visitors. Stirlitz drank a cup of coffee and
    came out. "No," the second visitor objected, "this is not Stirlitz."
    “No, Stirlitz!” - shouted the first one. And then a fight broke out.

    Stirla has a background emergency, it works as an automatic security system. So "don't get in, kill."

    In general, the disease for me is not only physical activity, but also a hefty mental one.

    Strategist and conspirator

    Stirlitz's jealousy is purely sensory disgust. MY someone took, used, crushed ... RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR !!!

    ……………………………………………………………………………………….

    Now about the places of catching and breeding Stirlitz. Stirlitz are found in the administrative departments, at the points of providing consulting services, and where there is something to put their hands on. And if the hands are golden, it doesn't matter where they grow from.
    It is recommended to fish with live bait - benevolent and modest. Such that Stirlitz, with his rational zeal to do everything as best as possible, wanted to imitate this live bait in this optimistic view of the world.
    But still, a mouse is not a squirrel, it cannot eat a walnut

    First, Stir was rational. So, in comparison with irram, it is more viscous. Secondly, the logician. That is, checking harmony with algebra is a nice thing. Third, a negativist and reinsurer. IMHO, enough for tediousness.

    Now those that are younger think that the movie about Stirlitz is a comedy. BUT
    when they watch a couple of episodes of "17 Moments of Spring" with surprise
    find it’s not funny. Well, or almost not funny. because
    actors with typically Russian faces (Kuravlev for example), depicting
    Germans - it's a little humorous. If in the first nine episodes
    filter out scenes where the nose, ears, or
    the back of Stirlitz's head - then you can see not bad documentary filming
    World War II.

    After the tenth episode (if you live to see it), the film begins
    suck in. Cynicism recedes when radio operator Kat hides in
    sewers with two babies in their arms. Now I understand why Putin
    wanted to become a scout. If I watched this movie from start to
    end in childhood, and not now - I would also want.

    Nobody said that ...

    On a trip with Pastor Schlag, Stirlitz listens to the song “Non, Je Ne
    Regrette Rien "performed by Edith Piaf. In fact, the song sounded
    for the first time only in 1960.

    In the scene where Kat gets on a train in Bernese before leaving for Paris
    the station, the Russian inscription on the TARA 58 T carriage is clearly visible.
    When asked by the "insurance agent" where the insurance was made, Kat
    replies "At the corner of Kurfürstendamm and Kantstrasse." In fact, these
    the streets are parallel to each other.

    In the scene where Stirlitz is sleeping in the car, in the rear window you can see how
    passing by a Soviet truck ZIL-130, produced since 1962.

    In the sixth episode, Stirlitz presents a pass on the way to Schellenberg
    SS man of Asian appearance.

    On the right sleeve of Mueller's uniform there is a patch in the form of a thin
    chevron. This is a distinctive sign of the "old fighters" who joined the NSDAP before
    her coming to power in 1933. Müller joined the party only on May 31
    1939 (Stirlitz from the novels of Yu. Semenov had the right to such
    patch).

    Gestapo and SD staff generally wear black SS uniforms.
    1934 of the year; in fact, this form came out of everyday
    use by 1939 and in the structures of the RSHA was replaced by the form
    gray-green (feldgrau) modeled on the German army and the Waffen-SS.

    In the scene where Kat is tortured by putting her child out in the cold, first
    it can be seen that there is a cap on the child's head. After a while, when
    the child is shown again, it is clear that the cap is missing.

    Bern does not and never has a Flower Street (BlumenstraЯe).

    In the scene of sending telegrams, you can see that they are written on letterheads
    "International telegram of the USSR", with the coat of arms smeared with ink.

    The courier pilot, whom Wolf sends with the package, sits in
    Soviet plane Yak-12, then a fighter runs along the runway
    Messerschmitt Bf 109, and the Focke-Wulf Fw 190 takes off.

    Airfield scene - Schellenberg meets Wolf. There are
    An-2 with a swastika (the aircraft began to be produced in 1947). Staff
    the Gestapo are greeted by Wolf, standing next to the UAZ-452 "loaf".

    The Siemens dictaphone, which is used by Stirlitz in operational work, on
    in fact, the Soviet voice recorder "Electron-52D" produced in the 1960s, to
    besides, it is a transistor, and the first transistor was created in 1947.

    Women in the SS did not serve, so Unterscharführer Barbara Krajn could not
    even have a prototype.

    In Mueller's office there is a Soviet clock "Glory" on the wall,
    produced in the 1970s.

    About Goebbels in his personal file on the film says: "Education
    average". In fact, he was a Ph.D. Heidelberg
    University and defended his thesis on drama. Gauleiter of Berlin
    he was appointed not in 1944, as the film says, but in 1926.

    Goering has a "secondary education" on his personal business in the film. But he
    graduated Military academy in Karlsruhe and military school in Berlin
    Lichterfelde - with the maximum possible amount of graduation grades, for which
    was personally congratulated by Kaiser Wilhelm.

    IV administration of the RSHA (Gestapo) and VI administration (political intelligence)
    were located in different buildings: the Gestapo - on Prinz-Albrechtstrasse, 8
    (Müller's office is generally at Prinz-Albrechtstrasse, 9), and the service
    Schellenberg was located at Berkaerstrasse 32 - at the other end
    cities. Therefore, the scene where Müller meets Schellenberg in the corridor and
    Stirlitz is impossible.

    Stirlitz's fingerprints on the suitcase with the walkie-talkie could not
    appear: in the film it is shown that during the Stirlitz communication session, all
    time was in gloves.

    Stirlitz's fingerprints on the suitcases and stroller of an unknown lady
    (on which Stirlitz builds his alibi) also could not appear - the form
    SS officer in February provides for the compulsory wearing of leather
    gloves.

    When Stirlitz and Pleischner arrive in Switzerland, Stirlitz goes to
    the kiosk that says "Magazines" - "Zeitschrifte". Correct
    would be the spelling "Zeitschriften".

    Incorrect spelling of the word "Birds" flashes in the film (on a tray with
    bird feed): "Fцgel" instead of the correct "Vцgel".

    The street name "Blumenstrasse" is spelled incorrectly - via umlaut
    ("Blmenstrasse").

    In the scene where Stirlitz is seeing Kat off at the station, the inscription on the carriage "38
    Plätze "is written without umlaut (" 38 Platze "). A few scenes later
    the inscription is being corrected.

    Descending with Stirlitz into the "cellars of the Gestapo", Müller takes off from his belt and
    hands over a rather large pistol to the duty officer (presumably Walter
    P-38). He should have been very noticeable under the tunic, but in none of
    this is not observed in the episode.

    When Stirlitz goes to the messengers, on the way to Köpenickerstrasse he allegedly
    drives along Bayreutherstrasse. In fact, this street is located
    far from the Köpenick district and is not on its way.

    In the "role" of Stirlitz's car, at least two cars of one
    models with small but noticeable differences (one of them has a rear
    folding trunk, the other does not; the steering wheel looks different).

    In the episode when Stirlitz draws cartoons on Goering, Himmler, Goebbels
    and Bormann, it is noticeable that the outlines of the
    drawings.

    Interesting Facts

    General S.K. is listed as the film's chief consultant.
    Mishin. In fact, under this pseudonym was hiding a deputy
    Chairman of the KGB of the USSR, General of the Army Semyon Kuzmich Tsvigun.
    Leonid Kuravlev and Leonid Bronevoy originally auditioned for the role
    Hitler.

    The directing team had no photographs of the real Heinrich Müller. IN
    as a result, the image of the chief of the Gestapo, created in the film by Leonid Bronev,
    very far from the original. Specifically, in the film, Müller looks like
    much older than Stirlitz (and his remarks: "Stirlitz, I am older than you in
    rank, yes, in the end, and by age "and" How much will you be in
    1965? Seventy? ... And I'm under eighty "confirms
    impression of a noticeable age difference), in reality, they
    - peers (born in 1900). Outwardly, the real Müller was more
    similar to Tikhonov than to Armor (see it: Heinrich Müller).
    But Oleg Tabakov turned out to be so similar to the real Walter
    Schellenberg, which, according to the memoirs of Yu. Vizbor, after the release of the film on
    screens Tabakov received a letter from Germany, from Schellenberg's niece,
    in which the actor was thanked and said that repeatedly
    revisited the film to get another look at Uncle Walter.

    Composer Mikael Tariverdiev and poet Robert Rozhdestvensky wrote
    for the film, a cycle of 12 songs - one for each episode. But into the movie in
    as a result, only two of them entered - the heroic "Moments" and the lyrical
    "I ask…".

    Chairman of the KGB of the USSR Yu.V. Andropov, without whose approval the film cannot
    could go out on the screen, look through it at night - he has a different time
    did not have. On Andropov's recommendation, only one thing was added to the film.
    edit: added mention of the German labor movement and Ernst
    Telmane.

    In the dubbed into German version of the film, Stirlitz voiced
    actor from the GDR Otto Melies - performer of the role of Helmut. Melies himself
    dubbed by another actor.

    In recognition of the brilliantly played role of General Wolff Vasily
    Lanovoy received a box of cognac as a gift from Karl Wolf himself.

    The plot of the Soviet film "The Secret Mission" (1950, director M. Romm)
    built on the same events - exposure by Soviet intelligence
    separate negotiations between Himmler and the British and Americans.

    The Soviet resident in this film was a woman, in the finale she
    dies.
    Muller is the first film role of Leonid Bronevoy, which brought him
    all-Union fame. That. he became a popular artist at the age of 45 (!).

    Character responses that have become anecdotes

    And you, Stirlitz, I will ask you to stay ... one more minute. (Mueller)

    We are all under Mueller's hat. (Stirlitz)

    Let it be to you, Stirlitz, and so it rings in your ears. (Mueller, in response to
    "Heil Hitler!")

    It is impossible to believe in our time to anyone, even to yourself. I can.
    (Mueller)

    In love, I am Einstein! (lady with a fox)

    This herb is good for kidney problems. Do your kidneys hurt? It's a pity.
    (Frau Saurich)

    I will play the Caro-Kann Defense. Just don't bother me. (Frau
    Zaurich)
    It would be nice for me to become Himmler's deputy. Or break into the Fuhrer -
    heil Stirlitz. (Stirlitz)

    It became difficult to work. Divorced a lot of idiots saying correct
    words (Müller)

    This is not bullshit, bittner buddy. This is not nonsense at all! (Mueller)

    Does your head hurt?
    - From worries?
    - From pressure. (Müller-Stirlitz)

    They are all dreamers, our chefs. They can fantasize, they do not have
    specific work. And can give guidance and
    trained monkey in the circus. (Mueller)

    I know better where to start! (Mueller)

    I drink iodine.
    - And I drink vodka.
    - You are a general, you can drink vodka. Where can we get the money?
    - Take bribes.
    - And you will get to your bone breakers. I'd rather drink iodine.
    - And I would gladly exchange my vodka for your iodine.
    - What, a lot of work?
    - So far, a lot. And soon she will not be at all. (Creepo Detective - Muller)

    If it was in the summer, if we had a Doberman Pinscher, if we had
    we were the glove of that woman, if the Doberman Pinscher immediately took
    trail ... (detective kripo)

    I love the silent. They have a lot to learn. If a friend is silent, so
    it is a friend, if an enemy is an enemy. (Mueller)

    I have cognac.
    - I also have cognac.
    “But you probably don't have salami.
    - I have salami.
    - So, we sip from the same plate. (the general in the carriage -
    Stirlitz)

    Clarity is one form of complete fog. (Mueller)

    What is it that drew you to epithets? The scout must explain
    nouns and verbs: he came, she met, he conveyed.
    (Mueller)

    I close my eyes, and you shandrack me with something over the head, like
    Holtoff.

    If you offer me to cheat on my homeland, I will. (Mueller -
    Stirlitz)

    Stirlitz walks down the corridor.
    - What?
    - Stirlitz is walking along the corridor.
    - Which corridor?
    - Along our corridor.
    - Where is he going?
    - I do not know. (Scholz - Müller)

    As there? "Oh yes Pushkin, oh yes son of a bitch"? Ay yes Stirlitz. (Stirlitz)

    ***
    Stirlitz went to the Elephant cafe to meet his wife. For the fourth time she was transported across the front line and three borders, and each time it turned out that this was not his wife.

    ***
    A shot rang out. By the whistle of the wind in his head, Stirlitz realized that the wound was through.

    ***
    - Stirlitz, do you have a plan? Schellenberg asked.
    - Of course, and even heroin will be found, - answered Stirlitz with a smile.

    ***
    Muller saw Stirlitz walking down the street through the window.
    “I wonder where he went,” thought Mueller.
    - Not your dog business, - thought Stirlitz.

    ***
    Stirlitz looked at one point for a long time ... Then at another ...
    - Colon! - Stirlitz finally guessed.

    ***
    Stirlitz put the plug into the outlet, but they tactfully hinted to him that they were eating from the outlet with a spoon.

    ***
    It was cold and Stirlitz was lighting the stove. By morning she drowned ...

    ***
    Stirlitz walked down the street. Shouts and shots rang out from behind.
    - This is the end, - Stirlitz realized when he put his hand into his pocket for the pistol.
    "It really was the end of it. The gun was in the other pocket."

    ***
    Stirlitz and Müller loved to take the car and take turns driving it.
    Sometimes the queue had time to scatter.

    ***
    There was a muzzle through the window. Stirlitz closed the window - the muzzle was gone.

    ***
    The encryption from the Center did not reach Stirlitz. He read it again - and again did not reach it.

    ***
    Stirlitz looked up. These were the eyes of Professor Pleischner.

    ***
    Stirlitz walked through the forest to meet with Pastor Schlag. Suddenly a hiss was heard from behind the bushes. Stirlitz was not taken aback: he released the entire clip from the pistol there and went on. And only after a few steps did he realize that Pastor Schlag did not know how to whistle.

    ***
    Stirlitz gave the cat a drink of gasoline. The cat ran ten meters and fell. "Gasoline ran out," thought Stirlitz.

    ***
    Muller travels with Stirlitz in Berlin
    - Stirlitz, where did you learn to drive so well?
    - In DOSAAF, - answered Stirlitz and thought: "Didn't I blurt out too much?"

    ***
    Stirlitz, after another successfully completed assignment, returned to Berlin in his Mercedes.
    Kopelyan's voice off-screen: “He did not know that the war would end soon, and he, as a Hero Soviet Union Zaporozhets will be selected out of turn.

    ***
    Stirlitz entered Hitler's office. Hitler, seeing him, fainted. "I wonder what he is?" - thought Stirlitz, correcting the budenovka.

    ***
    Stirlitz walked through the park. In the hollow I saw someone's eyes.
    - Woodpecker, - thought Stirlitz.
    You yourself are a woodpecker, Mueller thought.

    ***
    On November 7, Stirlitz put on a budenovka and walked past the Reichstag with a marching step.
    Yefim Kopelyan's voice behind the scenes:
    - On this day, as never before, he was close to failure ...

    ***
    The end of the war. In the bunker, booze, suicide, poisoning. Hitler wanders around the bunker with a mad gaze, no one greets him ... He looked into Stirlitz's office. He jumps up:
    - Heil Hitler!
    - Yes, even if you, Maksimych, do not pin up ...

    ***
    Stirlitz loved edged weapons. It was an indispensable remedy for applying to the head after a booze on November 7th.

    ***
    Stirlitz always slept like a dead man. He was even outlined with chalk a couple of times ...

    ***
    Stirlitz woke up in a cell, on a bunk, in only his underwear:
    - Where I am? Ours? The Germans?
    At this time, the rattling of the door latch is heard outside:
    - The guard will come in now! What language to speak to him? German? In Russian?
    Finally, the door opens, a sergeant of the sobering-up station appears on the threshold and, smiling broadly, says:
    - Well, you got drunk yesterday, comrade Tikhonov!

    ***
    Stirlitz received an encrypted message from the Center: “Stirlitz, congratulations! You have become a grandfather! "
    - Finally! - Stirlitz thought happily. - Soon demobilization !!!

    ***
    A man in a budenovka, tarpaulin boots, with a parachute and a radio transmitter in his backpack entered Muller's office and reported:
    - The camels went north. The plan has been delivered to its destination.
    “You're in the wrong place,” Mueller replied. - Stirlitz's office on the floor above.

    ***
    Muller enters Stirlitz's office and finds him in a bad mood.
    - What happened, Stirlitz?
    - I received a letter from my homeland, They write that my wife gave birth.
    - What's the matter, you need to rejoice?
    - What to rejoice, I have not been at home for five years.

    ***
    Stirlitz and Müller leave the restaurant late at night.
    - Listen, Mueller, let's take pictures of the girls?
    - You have a soft heart, Stirlitz. Let them hang until morning.

    ***
    Stirlitz left Shelenberg and got into the car. Kat was already waiting for him there.
    - Everything, - said Stirlitz, - can be touched.
    - Wow, - Kat touched ...

    ***
    Stirlitz went to the door and quietly opened it. The light came on. He closed the door - the light went out. He opened the door again - the light came on again. I closed the door and the light went out. Stirlitz opened the door for the third time - the light came on. I closed the door and the light went out.
    - "Refrigerator!" - Guessed Stirlitz.

    ***
    Stirlitz walked through the city. Suddenly a brick fell on him.
    - Those times! - thought Stirlitz.
    - And here's two for you! - Müller shouted joyfully, throwing a second brick from the roof.

    ***
    Stirlitz came to a meeting with a contact in the bar and ordered 100 grams of vodka.
    “We ran out of vodka two days ago,” the bartender apologized.
    - Well, then 100 grams of cognac ...
    - We ran out of brandy yesterday.
    - Well, do you have beer?
    - Alas, it ended this morning.
    - "So the messenger is already here," Stirlitz guessed.

    ***
    "How many faces I am!" - thought Stirlitz, straightening his tie in front of the mirror.

    ***
    Waking up on Saturday morning, Stirlitz thought:
    - How good it was yesterday with Müller and Eisman in the department. It seems that they drank a lot, but my head does not hurt at all, and even Saturday and Sunday are ahead!
    Yefim Kopelyan's voice behind the scenes:
    - He did not even suspect that it was already Tuesday ...

    ***
    Stirlitz walked through the spring forest. Buds hung from the trees.
    - Again the tricks of the Gestapo, - he thought.

    ***
    On Flower Street, Stirlitz saw a dog raise its leg near a tree. It was Professor Pleischner's leg.

    ***
    Stirlitz's car broke down. He got out and started digging in the engine.
    - Stirlitz, you are a Russian intelligence officer, - said Muller, who was passing by. - A German would give his car to a car service.

    ***
    - Stirlitz, why don't you have a snack? Mueller asks suspiciously. - Are you Russian?
    - We, Germans, are economical people, - Stirlitz got out.

    ***
    Stirlitz was sitting at home, in a villa in Berlin - Köpenick. There was a blow from the window. Stirlitz pressed Alt + F4 - the window disappeared.

    ***
    Queue at the cashier to receive a salary. Stirlitz approaches the window and stands in front of Muller.
    - Stirlitz, you break the chain of command!
    - Heroes of the Soviet Union have the right to service out of turn!

    ***
    The SS men blocked all exits, but Stirlitz left through the entrance.

    ***
    Muller approached Schellenberg:
    - Damn you, you stinking goat!
    - "Democracy!" - Stirlitz sighed enviously.
    ***
    Stirlitz had dinner in a cafe. Suddenly one officer shouted:
    - Russians are bastards!
    Everyone looked at him and thought:
    - Well, how could he say that with Stirlitz.
    ***
    At a banquet at Müller's, Stirlitz drank himself unconscious and fell face down on a plate of salad. Yefim Kopelyan's voice behind the scenes: "Stirlitz will sleep fifteen minutes. He was trained to such accuracy by his work in Soviet intelligence."
    ***
    Muller told Stirlitz a new anecdote about Stalin.
    - Isn't it dangerous? - Asked Stirlitz, and thought to myself: "Haven't I blurted out something unnecessary?"
    ***
    Schellenberg:
    - Stirlitz, how do you feel about women?
    - I do not belong to them ... - he was embarrassed.
    ***
    - Could you give birth? - Mueller asks Stirlitz.
    - What exactly? - asks Stirlitz.
    - It does not matter. I just want to know what language you will shout in.
    ***
    Stirlitz ran into a branch in the forest. Stirlitz fired, the bitches scattered.
    ***
    Müller:
    - Stirlitz, your fingerprints were found on Eva Braun's ass. How do you explain this?
    Stirlitz:
    - I'll explain. But how do you explain how you found them?
    Müller:
    - I have always regretted that you, Stirlitz, do not work for me.
    ***
    They came to Stirlitz from the Gestapo and said that if he did not pay for the electricity, then his radio transmitter would be turned off.
    ***
    Stirlitz was sitting in his office. There was a knock at the door.
    - "Bormann" - thought Stirlitz.
    “That's right,” thought Bormann.
    ***
    Bormann was driving a car at a speed of 70 km / h.
    Stirlitz ran behind and pretended to be walking.
    ***
    Muller calls Stirlitz and says:
    - Tomorrow morning Saturday morning. Attendance is required.
    - Yes - Stirlitz answers, and, realizing that he was pierced, sits down to write a confession:
    "I, SS Standartenfuehrer Stirlitz, am actually a Soviet intelligence officer ..."
    Muller, after reading the paper, calls Schellenberg:
    - Walter, come in, see what your people come up with so that you don't just go to the clean-up day.
    ***
    Stirlitz bought a bucket of crayfish at the market. Put it on fire.
    Soon the crayfish turned red. "Our!" - Stirlitz was delighted.
    ***
    "I'll finish my service and buy myself a garden plot in my native Ryazan region", -
    thought Stirlitz, driving up to his villa near Berlin.
    ***
    Stirlitz went to the Reichstag in Budenovka. Mueller met him.
    - You would at least observe conspiracy, Stirlitz!
    - "Indeed," thought Stirlitz and put on dark glasses.
    ***

    The situation with Bronev is very simple, in fact.

    He played some movie roles. For my taste - he played well, in general, but this is all tasteful - someone may not like it, but someone is absolutely delighted. However, the fact is that the characters he played live in the space of Russian culture, and will continue to live.

    If you have any complaints about the ideological content of the images he played, these are questions mainly to the director. According to Müller (a charming fascist Gestapo), these are questions for Lioznova (by the way, she died on September 29, 2011). She was born in Moscow on July 20, 1924 into a Jewish family. Parents: Moisey Alexandrovich and Ida Izrailevna Lioznov. Moisey Alexandrovich died in 1941 in the people's militia (at least officially it is considered so).

    In 1949, Lioznova graduated directing department VGIK. She was assigned to the film studio. M. Gorky, but was immediately fired (I wonder why). In 1958 she shot her first film "Memory of the Heart" based on the script by Sergei Gerasimov and Tamara Makarova (Makarova played the main female role), in 1961 - "Evdokia" based on the story by Vera Panova. And so on.

    In 1973, Lioznova finished work on the 12-episode television film "Seventeen Moments of Spring" (based on the novel by Yulian Semyonov), for which she was awarded the Order October revolution... Contrary to popular belief, the film did not receive the USSR State Prize. Neither Lioznova nor Semyonov have any state awards.

    Why she made this film the way she did is an interesting question, and Imho needs research. It is characteristic that after "Seventeen Moments of Spring" Lioznova did not make films for six years and was engaged in teaching.

    Lioznova's last film is a three-part television series entitled “The End of the World followed by a Symposium” - a screen version of a play by the American playwright Arthur Kopit. The film stars Armen Dzhigarkhanyan, Oleg Tabakov, Evgeny Vesnik, Oleg Basilashvili, Dmitry Pevtsov. Due to the changes that have begun in the country anti-american propaganda film was no longer needed by the television editors. It was shown once in early March 1987 and was never repeated. It is on torrents, you can download it and watch the dull game of the then USSR cinema stars against their beloved America (and, which is typical, this film is not on Rutrecker).

    Well, we sorted out the roles of Armor. And what kind of person he is - it's better not to touch him at all. The images are separate - and the person is separate.

    Well, when you drive a Toyota car, do you really wonder what kind of morality Toyoda himself had, how the designers of this tachila lived, who threw who there, set up, raped, killed and ate? Surely it never even occurs to you to be interested in this. You just need to know that the car turned out like this.

    It's the same with actors. Their product is the image you see on the screen. Enjoy the look, and forget all those unnecessary details about the manufacturer's personal sex life.

    Does not work? Then think about who IMPOSED attention to the personalities of these actors, and why it was done. Alain Delon doesn't drink cologne, yeah. Don't you care what he drinks there? Yes, even polish.