Speech therapy portal / Dysarthria / I do not like my own children. I hate my baby

I do not like my own children. I hate my baby

10.06.2019

“I am a mother and I do not love my daughter. I don't like her touch, I don't like how she smells, how and what she says, how she moves, how she breathes. Everything about her is annoying, whatever she does is bad and just disgusting. "

Approximately this problem was addressed by one woman who wished to remain anonymous to the community of psychologists of LiveJournal. The post was removed almost immediately. Apparently, even psychologists cannot bear the ruthlessness of such a truth. No, the woman was not rude, hysterical and did not try to attract attention. Calmly and deliberately, she analyzed her feelings, which she has been hiding with all her might for 16 years - that is how much her daughter is now. She admitted that she did not like her own flesh and blood, and tried to figure out why this happened and how she could get rid of this curse.

Children don't like "safety", the stereotype, the only way. They like to try to search, nothing is impossible for them. Tell your child to dress for the party. As long as the adult clings to the social form, the child will be full of flowers and surprises. For adults, the first to pick up will be a gray pencil. And so the baby elephant can be calm blue or pink. After all, a designer kid thought more than a hundred years ago that cars would not be just black.

Adults doubt that they will influence their future. Children are the creators of their satisfaction

I repeat: children see the world as it might seem. Tim Berner-Lee thus attacked the Internet. For good reason, many successful ad creators have slogans to make their kids at home. Not because the kids didn't have fun learning - the kids play with tips from the game. But children don't understand the school - they don't know why someone should make decisions about them. If they want to be an astronaut, they are, right?

But here you go, the moderators hastened to destroy her multi-page confession. Probably they also said at the same time: “There is no such problem. No no no. It's all fiction. " Well, some people do not want to see and hear what is contrary to their ideas about life. And these ideas are simple and fundamental: a citizen is obliged to love the Motherland, children - their parents, and a mother - her own child.

Some of the children, unfortunately, missed the long-term school massage. Adults are so used to asserting that they cannot. The government, the neighbor, can be mistaken for a sport that does not come out of them. They can find everything beautiful in everything. Not enough adults or much joy to feel happy. Children are happy little things. Place the toddler toddler, beads, paper box out of the washing machine. Children have unlimited imaginations. They do not care what they have in particular, but what may be a dream.

The adults are gloomy, although they are healthy, although they spend time with their friends, although they have time for their children. Some adults are not happy at all. The most common word used by adults is before. It looks like tomorrow.

But life is more complicated and deeper. I have a suspicion that one may not have much sympathy for the Fatherland, and one may not want children or feel disappointed at their appearance. Look at the fathers - millions forget about their offspring immediately after a divorce and don’t blow a must. Why can't mothers, at least some, feel the same? Was it just because they had fetal discomfort for nine months?

The adult believes that, of course, "tomorrow" a better life will begin. But what will he do when all the "breakfasts" come to him? Why are children so good at helping fairy tales? And why do adults repeat this? Please include the page. But bring some baby. On the one hand, you will completely reduce your self-esteem at the same time, and on the other, you will feel that it is useless, that you do not like it, or that it is better if you do nothing.

A very often used proposal that could have serious consequences in the future. None of us wants to have fat children, on the other hand, if you keep telling your little girl for the sake of appearance it is also possible that he develops one of the serious diseases called anorexia or bulimia in the future. Even these ladies suffer from the feeling that they are still not perfect and perfect, even though they weigh only 35 pounds. Parents are primarily responsible for the children's diet. Therefore, try changing the menu and driving the children into sports.

Is maternal love really so unconditional? Ask the women who are pregnant to keep the man. Ask those who, clenching their teeth, decided to "fly in", because already - "tick-tock, dear, tick-tock!" - it's time, because it is so accepted, because "what kind of family is it without children?" Ask them, the many fools who became mothers not because they needed it themselves.

We hear these suggestions all around us today and every day. And, unfortunately, often also in the playgrounds and school grounds. Children are still illustrated by other children who are not present at the moment at all or not at all. And they behave the same around the corner. But if you constantly give your child the example of other children, then gradually you will feel that it is not enough. And at home you would not want to have a terrible and always unsettled nervous bank.

But the child is not angry because you don’t like it. But believe that because of such speech, he may feel that in adulthood he should behave the way the other wants. From such children, scary people become dependent on their partners. So next time, swallow your offer, or if you accidentally drop it, let your child know right away that despite all this, you are still enjoying it.

And to a reasonable question: "Why did you give birth if you didn't want to?" - I want to answer: "Have you ever been a woman?" In our society, you need to have a remarkable inner strength to break the butt with a whip. It's not so easy to live when you are under pressure from the age of 20: “And when will you give birth?”, “Who do you want: a boy or a girl?”, “Oh, are you already 30? Give birth urgently. Do not want? Give birth, give birth, give birth, then you will figure it out "... No, you were definitely a woman of reproductive age who has no children? I recommend. Constant comments about your "natural destiny" will accompany you constantly, like a gnat - a horse in a meadow. You will not hide.

No one ever wants to explain once and for all that they just need to clean, just like brushing their teeth. And that's why children often make an offer: "I just said." Although it is much easier, but the child takes it from life so that he does not care what to do, it is enough if someone orders it. From such children, people who listen to the word and do not have their own opinion and do not even care about the consequences of their behavior grow up. This is why you better complete the task and explain to your offspring why you should do it or what to do.

In addition, not every woman who is not ready for the role of a mother, but who has formed in such an environment, is capable of realizing that she just does not want to fulfill her “mission”. Most do not even think about such serious things, sincerely believing that they have to be like everyone else. That we will give birth, then we will love. Oh, how, probably, they go nuts when this folk omen does not work.

The internet is full of forums for not only mothers but ridicule websites, where the mother stands out as the most hated social unit. Why do so many people dislike mothers? What annoys them the most about their mothers? Or maybe there is something wrong with them? From time to time, we receive messages from you that one of the questions we posted on the fan page was posted on mocking forums. Unfortunately, this is a trend that has been supported almost from the very beginning of the forum, so we are less and less surprised.

There are more and more groups and parties mocking mothers. Of course, most of you have come across the word "madka", which on the net means attacking the mother. By typing this word into a search engine, you will find out how many groups on the web stigmatize the behavior of mothers. See what image of the Polish mother comes out of this. The image of the mother that emerged from this discussion was terrible.

Moreover, I am not taking into account absolutely dysfunctional parents now. Everything is clear with them - we have a lot of "refuseniks", orphanages are not empty, a monstrous number of orphans with living parents cannot be removed at the mere whim of a moderator from LiveJournal. But if it is easy for some alcoholic to admit that she is indifferent to a child, then what can a “decent” woman do, who also realizes that she does not feel anything for her child? What should she do?

Because according to the members of this group. Mother smells like a child, mother loves to smell like a smelling boy and loves every pile, mother is sloppy, ugly and fat, mother makes children for money, mother is unhappy, mother is not needed by anyone, even her mother is stupid, has a limited outlook, mother is lazy and takes money with a guy, because he is sitting at home, the mother will not come to anything in life, because the child has lost his life, the height of maternal abomination is great. However, it is scary that so many people really think.

This is why it's no surprise that someone who doesn't have a child has such a proposal about a mother. Objections, after all, are repulsive. How to love such a disgusting, smelly, disgusting and ugly mother. In addition to the obvious examples of lack of intelligence among mothers that are easy to find on the Internet, mothers are almost all. Just ask the question if you can drink sodas while breastfeeding, being the idiot of the year who fears bubbles will bubble in her breasts.

I kept the post of that woman. I saved and published it on my blog, having received about two thousand comments on this topic in just a few days. Professional philanthropists, of course, immediately started yelling, getting confused in their own appeals: either "Children must be loved", then "Such mothers must be burned." But all the same, such a heated discussion showed that the problem exists. And to the exclamation: “Yes, this is a fictional story, it does not happen, these are trolls playing pranks,” someone remarked: “Aha, so many responses, and all the trolls? Welcome to earth. "

There are many such examples. Recently, this post from us on the forum was a sensation. Hardly anyone wondered where these questions come from. Personally, this did not make me laugh, because after the birth of the child, everyone told me not to go to the mirror with the child, because he stutters. Did the mother ask this question to someone hurt?

Who are they who hate us?

Isn't it enough to write to her that this is unfounded fear and simple superstition, and not call it ridiculous. What is their dislike for women with children? For them, participating in these weird, mocking discussions is fun. The mother seems to be easily offended by the subject, in addition, the Internet gives them new sources of inspiration on the tray.

Well, friends. Welcome to our land.

dimpledot
The planet of lonely unloved freaks. Take, for example, a hundred women on the street and ask anonymously what kind of relationship they have with their mothers. The answer will be obvious. I will be the first - I have no relationship with my mother.

anastassia_jm
I had a friend who wanted to marry herself through pregnancy. But the man said that neither she nor the child needed him. To survive, she went to work as a janitor. Because of her hard life, she took a dislike to her son. The baby was a year old, stood in a crib, and he and his mother already had antagonism - she took out on him, and he defended himself.

The mother will not answer them with a lawsuit, she will not persecute - in a word, she is not dangerous. This way you can "roll" casually and play well with it. The other group is childless, which means you again lack parenting experience that has a lot of free time after work. Therefore, it is difficult to expect that such people will have any understanding for people raising children. They do not know what education is and what burden and responsibility it entails.

The world of mothers is a foreign world. Yes, yes - there are many of them, as can be seen from the profile photos themselves. Better yet, we do not remain passive and willingly take part in throwing mud. They are also likely the source of some leaked content on mothers' forums. As such, they provide inspiration for the back, which is why connoisseurs are appreciated in such communities. Most of them did not discuss the topic or block me from the discussion. Those who spoke said that making fun of mothers was fun for them.

apid
My mom just left my brother and me to dad, I haven't seen or heard her for five years. I had a terrible relationship with my dad, I also annoyed him, because because of us he could not live a normal life.

ibis_5
Scary ... I read and remembered my mother. I was always bad for her. The most monstrous thing is that I cannot forgive her, but I also cannot turn away. I love her unrequitedly.

It is sad that almost all of them said that they were not like that, that they were better, wiser and wiser than mocking their mothers. This participation in such groups proves that there are mothers who are not idiots. However, the number of epithets they offend in my discussions personally makes me doubt this. Here's what might turn out to be the most effective weapon here. If you ever see an offensive record about mothers or notice that you see the height of ignorance for you - go indifferent.

The less fuel we give the hate team, the faster they will burn. For our part, we promise that the forums will continue to exist for as long as you need them. Until now, a few hundred questions a day is the reason why we should all support ourselves and not bully others. Today we look at education through the eyes of a child. Do you know what behaviors and characteristics children dislike about you?

inanna_light
My father (the kingdom of heaven) treated me similarly, he really wanted a son, I was born. Now I am almost 39 years old. I really want to forgive him to the end, to the very last offense, I realize that then it will become much easier for me. And before reading this note, I thought I had forgiven. Now there are tears in my eyes - it still hurts ... I love him anyway.

Helplessness is not a problem. The problem begins when helplessness. The parent wants to cope poorly with the child's behavior. Helplessness can manifest itself unconsciously. You will not get answers to such questions. Because the child can answer here. Asking the question, what answer would you like to receive?

This clearly shows the helplessness of the parent.

The child has no idea what to say. And since the answer does not appear, the parents' bad emotions appear. Even if the child gave you this answer, was it satisfactory for you? These and similar questions arise when they become confused and feel helpless in the child's behavior.

emelian1917
O! And I had a mother like that. And instead of dad - stepfather. I tried to appear at home as little as possible so as not to get it. A long time ago I dumped from them. Sometimes rumors are heard that mom is shouting: "Where are you, son?" And I also do not care where they are and what they are doing. Of all people, I think least of all about my parents. I just don't care.

If you do not understand the child's behavior, you will not change that behavior.

As someone asks you: how can you ask such questions? Instead of asking unanswered questions, replace them with others your child knows the answer to. If a child runs around the apartment and makes a big mess by the way, no questions will help. Here you must first calm the child down.

In other situations, start looking for the reasons behind this behavior. Let's say the baby is lying on the floor and you don't want to lie like that. Instead of asking what are you doing and something like that ,? ask. And is he lying on the floor? This is a short dialogue that leads the child to know the answer.

tetya_trot
My mother did not love me either, and I always felt it. She didn't need me - beautiful life, lovers, girlfriends ... Now she was left alone, life at sunset, remembered that she, it turns out, has a daughter. Yes, only now I do not feel anything for her. Stranger.

mariastanley
I also have no contact with my mother - neither physical nor psychological. If she has the same thing as this woman, then it’s easier for me. And then I suffer all my life ... I can understand this, because I myself do not feel any special love for my child (boy).

respectyourself
I am also the daughter of such a mother. However, I have a brother and a sister, much younger, and they are loved normally. And all my life I wanted to be good, so that my mother would be proud of me, would not scold me, so that she would say to everyone: “This is my daughter” ... So much time and mental strength was wasted. We hardly communicate. But she is not alone - with the younger ones. Yes, and I am quite happy now away from her. There is no need to prove anything to her anymore ...

agent_anna_85b
My parents divorced when I was 13, since then I have seen my mother no more than once or twice a year. My father raised me not out of love, but out of a sense of duty. There is no normal family model.

lexine_adriel
I am a child of the same mother. Unless they just gave birth to me with a specific purpose - to marry my father. They got married, but it just didn't help, left after a few years anyway. For me now the most terrible insult is to say that I look like her. I can't stand her voice, the smell, everything that is in her and what she is ... The biggest crime of such mothers is not that they do not love. And the fact that they gave birth to a child, not wanting him. You cannot play with his future life and psyche: “I don’t want to now, but maybe I’ll give birth and want to. Oh, I didn't want to ”.

a_hramov
My parents didn't really like me, and I don't really like my son. I have a good attitude towards him, sometimes it is pleasant for me to sit or chat with him, but to say that I cannot live without him is still not.

misery_maze
I thought that I was the only one so ugly - but no ... Now my parents are raking in full on everything, everything, damn it! - what I got as a child. I feel sorry for my mother: she was afraid to remain an old maid, she did not finish playing with dolls - and a hundred more excuses for my birth. I feel sorry for her. I write and cry about how it all turned out pointless and useless. But I don't like her. I was betrayed, and I am betraying. Not their own. They are strangers to me.

opsh
I have such a mother, she is already 70, and she can only communicate normally by phone, when she sees me - her irritation has no end. When I gave birth to my daughter, everything happened again, only I was already a mother. It broke my whole life.

notchrist
I myself know a woman who hates her daughter just to the point of hysteria. It is strange to come sometimes to visit and see how they begin to swear in bad voices - her daughter is "an idiot", "a stupid creature." The girl is 17 years old, and she has achieved tremendous success in sports - she has half a room of medals. And her mother is a completely normal woman, her family is prosperous. And hatred just comes through, it's not clear why.

lazy_alice
Personally, this situation is familiar to me from the other side. And once it worried me insanely and my psyche undoubtedly broke, but over time I have almost no feelings for my mother. It is useless to knock on a tightly closed door. I am an unwanted child, but it doesn’t bother me anymore. We live separately, see each other once every six months, and everyone is happy.

4250
It is very easy to grow up if you are “covered with love”. And what if you were sitting with a baby at your breast in a maternity hospital and was waiting for the "arrival", but did not wait? And the clucks around were screaming: "Oh, my baby, how do I adore him?"

myvirtual
It's a little embarrassing to admit it, but I don't seem to love my one-year-old daughter. At the same time, in my three-year-old son, I just don’t have tea. I fight in ecstasy from literally every word, every movement. And this is how I treat him from early childhood, when he was still a wordless lump. In short, there is no biological love in me for offspring, but only love (or lack thereof) for specific individuals.

milena_reas
Unfortunately, I am somewhat similar to the author of the post. I am 39, my son is 17. I absolutely do not feel that we are dear people. Childhood problems prevent me from raising my teenage son. I was able to start communicating with my mother only as an adult, from the age of 30, and then she is more active in contacts than I am. Well does not pull me. Sorry. There are too many scars left.

How many similarities do these comments have, isn't there? And it is not only clear that our country is full of "decent" women, respected in society, who do not love their children or some of their children. It is also clear that this is passed down from generation to generation. And behind the recognition “I don’t love my child”, another truth almost always looms as a shadow: “My mother didn’t love me”.

Disliked children become adults, and it already turns out that they are indifferent to their children in the same way as they were indifferent to them in their time. No wonder the mother's revelations about her daughter: “I don't like her touch, I don't like how she smells, how and what she says, how she moves, how she breathes,” - this is how they echo the revelations of a completely different woman about her mother: “I can't stand her voice, her smell, everything that is in her and what she is. " Planet of the unloved.

What to do? How to break this chain? I dont know. The fact that you need to think a hundred times before giving birth is definitely. The fact that pregnancy does not always automatically trigger maternal feelings is undoubtedly. The fact that the attitude of parents towards themselves is often transferred by people to their own children is indisputable. But what to do? What if already new person he sleeps in your arms, and you look at him, listen to yourself and understand: "Wow, I don't feel anything, it turns out."

Psychologists will probably say that years of therapy are needed, consultations, trainings and books from the “Know thyself” series are needed. Maybe they will be right. I only know for sure that every such disliked girl and every such disliked boy, every mother who is indifferent to her children and every indifferent dad must decide: “Stop. Enough. This "ancestral curse" must end on me. I must be the first to forgive. And who will love ”.

We must, we must deal with all this. And let those who decided on this not be frightened by cowardly moderators and shouts: "Yes, you need to be sterilized!" Realize that there is emptiness in your heart; that you don’t know how, from childhood you don’t know what it’s like to love; to admit to oneself in his "shameful" secret is already the beginning. Hence, it is not all the same.

netlenka_
I want to thank the author of the original post and the commenters for giving me a thread, pointing out the direction in which I will go in order to solve a very similar problem in my life. Because my mother is alive, because I am alive and I hope to live for a long time. Because my son is growing up, and I want all of us to still be happy.

Women do not talk about such things to the right and to the left. In this they often do not find the strength to admit even to themselves. And yet sometimes they want to say, "I hate my child." And it is true.

When you hear this, you imagine the image of an asocial woman who does not know what love and care are. Or an evil stepmother who is forced to raise someone else's child. However, the reality is that a very ordinary-looking mother can feel this way. She tries to fulfill all the doctor's recommendations, buys toys for the child, sings lullabies at night, but there, inside, she feels for the baby not love, but dislike, irritation, even hatred ...

And only two people can know about it - mom and baby. Why two: how can a newborn baby know about it? Babies are in dire need of love and care, they need to be loved, treated with tenderness and tenderness, so that they do not have souls in them and are considered the best creatures on the planet. If it is, children feel a secure rear, protection that they trust. If this is not the case, children feel insecure, unnecessary, abandoned.

“The understanding that I hate my child makes me feel guilty,” a participant in a women's forum shares her thoughts anonymously. Another mother with a similar problem is dissatisfied with herself: "There is clearly something wrong with me, because any normal woman should love her child." Someone is gnawing at a feeling of hopelessness: "I cannot change this, it is stronger than me." And anxiety: “What should I do? How to live with a child further? "

These women are easy to condemn, because the cultural norms accepted in society oblige every woman to be a caring loving mother, even if her child is. But if one of them confessed to the coolness of their feelings for their own child, they will consider her at least strange.

However, the maternal instinct, whatever one may say, not everyone has. And modern reality proves this fact: negligent mothers leave their children in orphanages and orphanages, show monstrous cruelty and hatred towards their own children. And there are a lot of examples of this.

Nobody can answer the question of why parents hate their children - except for the systemic vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.

Related materials:

map of site