The lack of communication skills in adults. Ability to communicate with people. Have your thoughts clearly

Every day a person interacts with other people through communication. People face each other on their studies, work, various events. Communication plays an important role in human life, helping him to develop, receive certain information, experience. But what if the Barrier of Communications occurs? How to learn to communicate with people?

The reason for which a person cannot start a conversation is called a barrier. Why does he arise?

• First, the barrier can act the inability of man and the absence of his desire to listen to his interlocutor. He is trying to start his speech when the opponent still says. Without the ability to listen to a person will not succeed in achieving success in those areas of life, where the main link to achieve a positive result is communicating with people. After all, when the interlocutor is constantly trying to interrupt, inserting some kind of thought, it is very confused and annoying.

Lack of desire to listen is a slightly different problem. In this case, the opponent does not interrupt, but simply shows its full indifference to the conversation. The reason for this can be what a person is not interested in the topic of the conversation or he already has an opinion on the problem under discussion, and he is not going to change it.

At the same time it is necessary to remember that the interlocutor can pretend that he is interested. As a result, it turns out that a person in vain loses time on this conversation. You can check whether the opponent's speech listens. To do this, you just need to ask a question: "What do you think about this?". If a person did not hear the last of what was said, he will not be able to express his opinion.

• Secondly, the barrier can act as inability to demonstrate that a person is really interested in the problem under discussion. A conversation is much easier when all participants like the topic of conversation. However, if the interlocutor simply shows an interest, without having it in fact, communication will not make sense. But often the fear of offending a person makes it silent about his indifference to this topic of conversation.
• Thirdly, the barrier may be the lack of desire to understand the feelings of his interlocutor. It often happens that man begins to communicate, without paying attention to the mood of the opponent either on what feelings he causes precisely this topic. And it is very important moment In communication.
• Fourth, to speak with people the fear of opening in front of them. Usually it is fully manifested when people just met. Not everyone is ready to open his soul to another, because for this it is necessary to be confident in it and completely trust him. Although some people can at the first meeting tell about themselves all that is also not desirable. It is necessary to carefully talk about yourself, choosing that you should tell, and what to keep silent about.
• Fifth, to interfere with the beginning of the conversation can be that people often have too different levels of development and education. The easiest people interact with each other, who have almost the same intellectual level. If the interlocutor he has a high, then the opponent tries somehow to please him, take an example from him, to acquire some kind of skill.

Worst of all when one person has a level of intelligence lower than that of another. Then the interest in the conversation will be minimal, there will be no desire to support it. But even from such regularities there are exceptions.
For example, if the interlocutor engaged in mental activity all day, he hardly want to talk to serious topics. Then he can easily support any relaxed conversation, even if the most trifling. Therefore, in this case, the intellectual level of the opponent will not play any role.

Psychology of communication with people

Psychology of communication with people is built on some rules. The famous psychologist and writer Dale Carnegie managed to form them best. He in the arsenal has excellent and well-known communication books, which were written back in the 1930-40s. At the moment they remained the same relevant.

1. It is important to truly interested in other people. After all, each person believes that he is unique, so wishes to be an interesting society. Usually, the interlocutor is more willing to come into talking with the opponent, which is most of all interests interest. At the same time, a small value is paid to what he says.
2. You must always smile. The smile is the tool that helps to arrange the interlocutor. She demonstrates pleasure from communication.
3. Do not forget about the name of the opponent, because this is the most pleasant word for any person. In the process of the conversation, you need to call the interlocutor. The name expresses individuality, so many people do not like people when someone calls him wrong.
4. It is very important to listen to a person. This ability, the opponent shows his attention, interest in conversation. Unfortunately, not all people know how to listen, trying to embry on the conversation faster, expressing their point of view. You must listen carefully to the interlocutor, ask him questions, show your emotions when it is appropriate. If you still remember some successful phrase of the opponent, and then express it in the process of the conversation, then he will be doubly pleasant and there will be no doubt about whether he was heard.
5. The conversation should be built on what interests both participants in the discussion. Well, if a person can identify or already knows the topic that will definitely be indifferent to the interlocutor. It will help to place a person to themselves.
6. You always need to show a person what it is significant. At the same time, it is necessary to be solely sincere. This is a very difficult moment in the field of psychology of communication. Opponent can always feel fake interest in it, admiration. Even if people prefer flattery, he still can feel some discomfort. Therefore, those parties who actually seem unique and best should be found in a person who actually seem unique and best.

People who differ in closure are faced with the inability to cross through themselves to utter any phrase to support the conversation. But this skill is necessary to each person also strongly as the ability to write and read. Psychologists have created some recommendations, how to learn to communicate with people.

Well can be accessed on inanimate objects. You can simply talk to your furniture, for example, to tell your desk, as today has passed today and what interesting events took place.

Experts claim that such an exercise actually allows you to learn how to communicate with people correctly, express your thoughts, logically build offers, train your facial expressions and gesticulation. However, for many people, such an idea seems to be delusional. In any case, you can change the furniture on a pet. For example, a dog will always devote all the stories of his master.

Another exercise is praise. When a person comes into talk, he must always try to make compliments to his interlocutors, allocate their special qualities and skills. Many are shy to express their feelings, but everyone knows that people love when they are praised.

It is important to take into account the fact that good words should be sincere, come from the heart. Do not stand specifically, it may noticeably.

The best view of the exercise, how to communicate with the surrounding people, is direct communication with random opponents. It is necessary to put a goal every day to join a conversation with a stranger. For example, coming to the store for products, you can talk to the seller about the quality of this or that product.

Or when you need to find a specific address, you can ask random passers-by how to go to it. Also entering the room, you can be friendly to greet the concierge, ask about her mood, talk about the weather and so on. Chatting with strangers, it is always important to smile. It has people to each other.

Mimic and gesticulation in communication

Learn to speak right with people - it's not all. It is necessary to purchase the skill of faithful gesticulation and facial expressions. Sometimes the body language speaks more than the words themselves. When the interlocutor says, surrounding people appreciate not only speech, but also location, movement of hands, legs, heads, eyes.

In order for people to listen to speech, you must follow the following rules:

• It is important to learn how to look correctly at the interlocutor. Sometimes a person has such a look that the other is getting stuck in the throat and he is afraid of something to say. Therefore, it is necessary to look at the opponent openly, to remove the eyes, constantly show your interest in it. Depending on what topic there is a conversation, the look may be different. Do not watch "eyes in the eye", it creates an additional voltage when communicating. If your interlocutor tries to watch you right in the eyes, you can look in their direction, but not focusing your gaze on them. See how through the person's face.
• It is necessary to follow their facial expressions and the faith of your interlocutor. A person always expresses any emotions on his face. You can learn how to recognize the mimic mood of a partner, as well as to express feelings yourself with it.
• You need to be able to determine the mood of a person on gestures. If a person crosses his legs, presses the folder to himself, hides his hands in his pockets, then you can say with confidence that he is trying to burn out. Then the conversation is unlikely to work outdoor and interesting from the first minutes.

The posture should be open, gestures smooth and slow, palms are disclosed. It will say that a person is calm and ready for a conversation. Some people who skillfully use psychological techniquesFrequently applied the "Culing" method. It is to repeat the gesture or pose of a partner after a small period of time. Such an admission allows people to better reveal.

Communication with surrounding people is an integral part of a person's life. Without this, the development of the personality is impossible. To acquire communication skills, it should be constantly practicing it. The more the person will talk to people, the faster he will lose all the ones of the bruises that were on his way.

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The development of communicative skills is required to every person on the planet only if he does not live a hermit in the cave. Even despite the fact that now many of them are completely independent, interact with other people somehow everyone has to everyone. In this article you will find several exercises, games, techniques and books that will be useful in order to pump your own.

How is the message transmitted?

This is an important question for those who experience problems in one of these situations:

• You misunderstand you.
• You incorrectly interpret the words of other people.

What to do in these cases? Starting with the analysis of the process of transferring and perception of information: so you can understand at what stage the problem arises. The message is transmitted using:

1. The occurrence of the cause or say something.
2. Composition of the message (internal and technical development of what you want to express).
3. Coding a message (speech, gestures).
4. Transfer of a coded message as a sequence of signals.
5. Sources of noise, such as natural sounds, can affect the quality of the signal and how the interlocutor will perceive your message.
6. Receiving a recipient signal (your interlocutor).
7. Decryption by the interlocutor of your message.
8. Interpretation of your message.

If a failure occurs at some stage, your message will be incorrectly interpreted. The same is true and when the recipient you. And we have not yet taken into account non-verbal signals that can be: touch, gestures, body language, facial expressions, visual contact, clothing. Speech (in addition to words) also contains non-verbal elements, such as rhythm, intonation, pace and much more.

The most important reason for the fact that we do not understand or we do not understand - the presence of barriers to communications.

Five main barriers

In fact, the number of communicative barriers is truly huge, but perhaps it is worth starting with five main. If you overcome them, you will significantly increase your communication skills.

Judge another person

If you judge the interlocutor, first, first, completely cease to understand the essence of what he talks about (it's simply no time and attention remains for this), but, secondly, you start hanging labels.

Not to show interest to the words of the interlocutor

Interest and curiosity is in many ways conscious processes. Dale Carnegie, when he wrote about the need to exercise sincere interest in other people, meant this: not to pretend, but to be conscious in communicating with other people, exit the autopilot regime.

In many situations, you should work on what you wonder.

Use technical or incomprehensible

Not only does it look like snobbish and annoys, so also completely spoil mutual understanding and dialogue. Learn to express your thoughts simple words. However, if you see that the interlocutor fully reads your messages, you can raise the professional level of your speech.

Give inspired advice

They are bad because the communicative barriers appear already at your interlocutor. He ceases to think about your message and experiences irritation, expressing the thought "Why is he climbing not in his business?"

It does not matter how good your tips were. Learn to give them to the right time and in the right situations.

Do not show empathy

Each person has problems and care, be it homeless or queen of Great Britain. You must (again - sincerely) to show interest in them. Remember that for a person even his meager problems are much more important than all floods, wars and fires combined.

After you understand what you do not need to do, let's discuss what to do. Rather, what communication skills should be developed.

Five basic communication skills

In one day you will not. And for the month too. But step by step, mastering individual skills, you can significantly increase your level.

Active listening

To learn how to adhere to at least one rule: listen twice as much as we say.

The second rule: Learn to "listen" with all your body. That is, use the facial expressions, gesture, eyes. Third Rule: Specify what the interlocutor said.

Non-verbal communication

Who are harmonious, whole people? These are those who do not conflict with the body and non-verbal signals. They say exactly what they feel, so the body reacts correctly to words.

First it will be difficult, because you will need to pay attention to the body language more than the content of the information. But if you decide the problem gradually - first with your hands, then with your legs, visual contact, facial expressions - then after some time you will become a harmonious person who mastered the skills of communication.

Asking questions

First of all, it is worth paying attention to the quality of the questions you specify. If they are closed, then you need to completely change the approach and start specifying open:

• How?
• Why?
• How many?
• How often?

Ask questions may seem difficult at first. But as soon as you begin to exercise sincere curiosity to people, this skill will develop in itself.

Clearing

It is important when you are listening to the interlocutor. Try to always clarify what exactly he wanted to say. This approach kills two hares:

• Allows you to fully understand the purpose and motives of the interlocutor.
• Shows that you really listen to him.

Consciousness

Consciousness is the basis of any skill, because it requires abandoning the habit and continuously observe.

For example, with the help of awareness, you stop criticize and condemn the interlocutor, you will be interested in dealing with his words, thoughts, feelings, learn how to apply different approaches Instead of trying to talk as you can.

Games for the development of communication skills

There are a lot of exercise games that develop communication skills. Here is some of them.

Communication origami

This is a quick and easy exercise that shows how the same instructions are interpreted by different people, and emphasizes the importance of clear communication. The game, rather, demonstration, with his morality.

For the passage of the exercise requires from three people.

1. Give each of the A4 sheet.
2. Tell the group that you will begin to give instructions, how to add paper to create an origami form.
3. Tell the group that while you give them instructions, they must keep their eyes closed and cannot ask questions.
4. Start giving a group of instructions, according to which they need to fold and break their sheet several times, and then ask them to deploy and compare the view.

Emphasize that each sheet of paper looks different, although you have given all the same instructions. Ask your group, would be the results much better if they sometimes opened our eyes or asked questions.

Open your eyes \u003d listen and understand.

Set questions \u003d check.

Effective communication is not easy, because we all interpret information as we can and want. Therefore, it is very important to ask questions and listen to the interlocutor.

Guess emotion

This exercise game is also held in the company, but it is more fun and more exciting than the previous one.

The goal of the game is that its participants learned to "read" feelings and emotions to each other. The company is divided into teams and each player in turn shows emotions, such as disgust, affection, fear, anxiety, embarrassment, anger, determination, and the general group will try to guess what kind of emotion. However, at this stage the rule can change by you - depending on how you will be more interesting.

Instruction:

1. Slide to two commands.
2. Put the emotion deck on the table, on each of which the name of the emotion is written.
3. Ask the Participant from the group A to take the top card (or several cards) from the table and show the pantomime for your group. This should be done during a certain time (for example, a minute or two).
4. If the emotion is guessed, the group A receives 10 points.
5. Now the same should do the group B.
6. After a few more circles, lay down.

Scene

Game for two. The rules are very simple. We can say that you yourself invent them.

To begin with, think about the topic around which the dialogue will be tied. It may be:

• Support service (difficult client).
• An angry client addresses the sales assistant.
• The dispute of two people about whether Mars needs to colonize.

Before starting a scene, you must clearly prescribe a conflict. The ending may be random.

Language of the body

Sometimes the body language speaks more than any words you can pronounce. As consciously, so subconsciously the body shows the interlocutor, what is really happening to you.

1. Explain to the group that you are going to give them a number of instructions that they must copy as quickly as possible.
2. Pronounce loud the following instructions for the group, and at the same time, follow them:

• Touch your finger to the nose.
• Shop your hands.
• Arrange hands.
• Touch the thumbs to the shoulders.
• Cross hands.
• Put your hand on the belly - but during these words Touch your nasal tip finger.

1. Pay attention to the number of people who copied what you did, and not what they said.

The body language can strengthen verbal communication, but it can also be stronger than verbal communication - it is important to know about it to clearly understand that we project the correct message.

Books

You can understand the topic of communications in more detail by reading the following books.

• "Never eat alone" Kate Ferrazzi
• "How to talk with anyone" Mark Roudz
• "Science of communication. How to read emotions, understand the intentions and find mutual language With people "Vanessa Edwards
• "I hear you through" Mark Gowleston
• "Emotional Intellect" Daniel Gowman
• "Communication skill. How to find a common language with anyone "Paul McGee
• "How to overcome shyness" Philip Zimbardo
• "Power of persuasion. Art to influence people »James Borg
• "Secrets of communication. Magic words »James Borg

We wish you good luck!

Why do some people know how to find a common language without any problems in a matter of minutes and conquer confidence of completely strangers, and others are unable to agree even with their relatives? The answer to this question is one: these people have different communication skills.

One of the most effective and at the same time simple ways Improve your communicative abilities can be expressed in just one phrase - be a good listener.

The ability to listen is that you do not just close your mouth so that your interlocutor managed to insert several phrases. You must really carefully and are interested in listening to someone else's words. It will not only help you establish contact, but also is a great way to demonstrate respect for the interlocutor.

When people feel like attitude towards themselves, it immediately changes the atmosphere of your relationship. Just remember how you feel great when someone intently listened to you while you were passionate about the important event for you.

All people want to be heard. Give them this opportunity, you immediately acquire many friends. Just do not pretend: follow the story, ask clarifying questions, react to key points. Sometimes it happens not so simple, especially if your interlocutor does not shine oratorical skill.

In addition to the ability to listen, you can use a few more tips to help improve your communication skills.

1. Never interrupt

This testifies to the real absence of respect. By interrupting anyone, you explicitly sign up: "I don't care what you say, I have to say much more important things."

2. Never finish someone else's sentence

Yes, human thought is much ahead of the possibilities of speech, and sometimes it's so I want to help the interlocutor to express thought. Having done this, you will not help, but show your doubts about the mental and oratory human abilities and will call only a feeling of annoyance. So it is better to bite the language at such moments.

3. Paraphrase

If you want to show that you really understood someone, then just repeat the key idea of \u200b\u200bthe interlocutor. Before agreeing with anything or protest, simply fix your understanding of the heard. Half of the misunderstandings in the world occurs due to the fact that people think one thing, they say others, and the listeners understand the third.

4. Listen to the actively

As already noted above, your activity as a listener is of particular importance. Show your interest story, give a response to the storyteller, and the college of the interlocutor will not make himself wait.

5. Support visual contact

Do not look at the surveillance things, and focus on the talking. Looking to another person in the eyes, you will tell him that you are interested in his story. Stop all your classes and try not to be distracted.

Anna Base

Interaction with other people occupies a significant part of the life of every person. For some, communication does not represent a special problem, others - it is given with such difficulty that they prefer to avoid contacts. However, it is better, having studied the rules and becoming more confident in yourself, increase the effectiveness of communication than to spend the life of the hermit.

How not to be afraid to communicate with people

A common reason that causes difficulties in communication is fear. This is the fear of being incomprehensible, to say nonsense, over which "everyone will laugh," the fear of a negative reaction of others. As a rule, the reasons for the reasons are deep roots that go back in childhood. In this case, it is recommended to recall under what conditions phobia has been formed, analyze the situation.

Other sources problems:

excessive modesty, shyness;
insufficient self-esteem;
complexes related to appearance;
inability to make contact.

To learn to communicate with people, you will have to work on yourself. For victory over fear, it is necessary to realize it and fight.

First, you have to force yourself to talk with people, so start with unfamiliar "experimental rabbits": ask on the street, what time is it, how to go to the library - in a short time to speak with a stranger it will be easier.

Effective communication: how to become an interesting interlocutor

Difficulties arise already because you have nothing to say. Answer honestly: you yourself can interest yourself? Do you know much and is able to support the conversation? Do you have a hobby and hobbies? If you answered "yes" at least on the last question, then everything is not so bad. Even on the contrary, because you have a chance to communicate with people online on the forums dedicated to the topic of interest. This is immediately several advantages:

there will be no fear here,
among like-minded people are easier to communicate,
if you are an expert, then you will listen to and respect it, and this always has a positive effect on self-esteem.

In the future, this communication can be continued in real life.

To understand how to learn how to easily and simply communicate with people, at a minimum, there must be a topic for communication. Daily recognize something new, develop yourself, form your own opinions about events. Discuss with your close-last read book, you liked the film - share your emotions and thoughts.

Do not be afraid to say nonsense - you will be surprised, but people are constantly doing this, feeding confidence in their own right, so they trust in others.

How to communicate freely: 4 Exercises

The first basic rule - good mood. No one loves to communicate with whots and bore. Therefore, negative emotions on the surrounding are not worth amending. Create your mood yourself - start the morning with a smile to reflect in the mirror, delicious breakfast, favorite music. Stop complain and learn to see more good.

Learn to understand other people without words. Guess the emotions on the faces of passersby, determine what a person who has a person who or another facial expression may feel. Here, too, training in front of the mirror can help - depict different feelings and follow the way Mimica changes.

This is important, because from what an intonation is the same phrase, it depends on how it will be perceived.

Sign up for courses of speakers. Even if you do not have to speak in public (although communication, in fact, is such a performance), you will learn how to build phrases and express thoughts.

How to communicate correctly: what does psychology teach?

Even if from childhood you have had no elementary communicative skills, they can be developed.

What should I pay attention to what to communicate with people was easier?

Development of confidence. Self-confidence - sign successful man, And such people attract the attention of others, cause interest and the desire to communicate.
Endear. A simple way to cause the confidence of the interlocutor - when communicating to look into the eyes. If a person takes a glance, this may indicate that it is lying, and this is recognized on the subconscious level. A view of the eye has a hypnotic effect. At the same time, remember that too long a look may be regarded as aggressive behavior, challenge, so it is extremely important to control the voice of the voice and intonation during the conversation.
Contact your interlocutor by name. For a person, there is no sound more pleasant than his own name. So we are arranged.
Proper talk of conversation. Ask questions to which you can give a detailed answer, as well as supplement additional issues. Here, too, it is important not to overdo it - so that the dialogue does not like to interrogate.
Do not be afraid of failure. The reason for difficulties in communication can be the fear of refusal, which strengthens the existing insecurity. Accept as a given - any answer is the result. Refusal is just a reason to look for another solution to the problem. He should not affect your self-esteem - at a minimum, you do not know the true reasons why the interlocutor did not answer consent. Feeling restrictions man. For motivation, look at the movie with Jim Kerry "Always say yes.

How to learn to communicate with people - Book Carnegie

The advice of Dale Carnegie are the classics of the psychology of communication. People who collided with communicative problems find answers in them. These are effective and simple recommendations that will help to make contact with any (adequate) person.

Do not put your goals learn to communicate with people in a week or for a month. It can take much longer, but you will notice small shifts after several "training" conversations. Treat this as a fulfillment homeworkto do. At the same time, keep yourself relaxed, without unnecessary emotions that indicate anxiety.

December 18, 2013, 14:04