How to get rid of the excellent student's syndrome. Adult Achievement Syndrome or “Why You Can't Be Perfect. How does excellent student syndrome arise?

It has been noticed that children who did not study hard enough in school turn out to be more intelligent and successful in real life than excellent students. It would seem, what is wrong with the desire to always and in everything to achieve success and be the first? Nothing, as long as this desire is within an acceptable framework. If this becomes an end in itself, such a person is dependent on the opinion of society, and painfully endures any criticism or lack of attention. An excellent student's syndrome is what in adulthood is called perfectionism - when a person is not able to accept the imperfection of his results in something and suffers greatly because of this.

ICD-10 code

F84 General psychological disorders

Causes of the excellent student's syndrome

The roots of this pathology go deep into childhood, but they affect the future life no less. And if it is relatively easy for a child to fix this, then the older, the more difficult it is to get rid of such a syndrome.

Problems that can lead to the pathological syndrome of an excellent student

Excellent student syndrome is dangerous for emotional and mental exhaustion, especially for children. The danger is that the child develops an unwillingness to fail, accept difficulties and, of course, self-doubt. This leads to the fact that the child will achieve results to the detriment of himself and his health, and since it is impossible to always win in everything, this will invariably lead to depression.

Symptoms of the excellent student's syndrome

The syndrome of an excellent student in a child is manifested in the fact that he is very difficult, sadly experiencing any mark that differs from the highest. An insufficiently well-completed task becomes the cause of tragedy and a lack of desire to continue studying further.

Children with excellent student syndrome can easily sacrifice fun and socializing for the sake of excellence in their studies.

Since the main motivation for a child with an excellent student's pathological syndrome is not knowledge, but the achievement of the highest mark at any cost, as well as the approval and admiration of others, such a child is distinguished by dependence on the opinions of other people and unstable self-esteem. When he is praised, it is greatly overestimated, but it is worth criticizing - he gets upset and may even be offended. Also a symptom is the child's painful jealousy of the praises and high marks of other children.

A child who, in childhood, parents did not give a sense of security and acceptance as he is, did not show that he is loved unconditionally, and not for achievements, is forced to deal with the problem of unstable self-esteem. Even as adults, it is very difficult for such people to realize that they are not friends with them for profit, or that they fell in love not for meeting the idealized standard of a spouse / father / friend / employee, but for their personal dignity, which they themselves often do not even realize.

An excellent student's syndrome in adults often manifests itself in a complex of several signs:

• increased sense of responsibility;
• feelings of guilt for possible failure;
• overestimated requirements for the people around;
• inability to prioritize, an attempt to be successful in all areas;
• inability to lose.

Diagnostics of the excellent student's syndrome

Differential diagnosis of pathology from the desire to self-actualize is necessary. Currently, the problem of normal and pathological types of excellent student's syndrome or perfectionism has been highlighted in several comparative studies, however, the lack of a psychodiagnostic technique that allows differentiating the types of perfectionism is the main obstacle to clear differential diagnosis.

To date, to determine the type of perfectionism in an adult (normal, pathological), a differential test of perfectionism is used, which involves a survey of 45 and / or 24 points, where the subject determines the degree of agreement or disagreement with the proposed statements. Passing this test requires willingness and honesty in the answers. At the end, the points are calculated and the result is determined.

Treatment of the excellent student's syndrome

Since there are no purely childish problems, his family is usually involved. As a rule, such a heightened attitude towards their success is a manifestation of the parent's attitude towards the child “we love you only if you fully meet our expectations, and we expect you to be the best”. Thus, parents try to satisfy their own vanity, perhaps to compensate for their own lack of self-esteem. And the child is instinctively very afraid of losing parental love, and he will make every effort to preserve it, since the assessment itself is less significant for the child than for adults.

If the child has brought home a bad grade, it makes sense, first of all, to talk to him, discuss why the higher grade did not work out and find out his feelings about it. If the child does not care, then you should think about the methods of education, because he is not critical of himself. If he is upset, you need to help him cope with it, and believe in yourself.

If you observe symptoms of incipient pathological perfectionism in your child, try to show your love for him more in a language that is understandable to him:

• hug him more often, for no reason;
• pay attention, be interested in what is happening in his life;
• listen to him, find out his feelings for the things that he shares with you, help with advice if he asks you about it;
• tell him words of support, let him know that he is more important to you than his results, that his failures do not determine your attitude towards him;
• spend free time together, do something together that fascinates him;
• do not compare him with other children, it is better to show progress or regression with him the same.
• if he devotes too much time to classes, invite him to be distracted, take a walk with friends.

Adults who have noticed signs of this pathology, it is sometimes recommended to deliberately break established habits and personal stereotypes, as well as get rid of the fear of failure:

• allow others to notice your mistakes from time to time, remember that you are a living person, and you can make mistakes;
• Be careful not to blame circumstances or other people for your mistakes. For example, if you are late for work, be honest, if you left home late, then the driver of the vehicle is not to blame for your lateness;
• enroll in courses that are interesting to you, but because of fear of failure you did not dare to go;
• try to treat your mistakes with humor;
• ask a straightforward, honest friend to talk to you about your mistakes. Analyze bad moments with him, listen to his point of view;
• experiment with clothes - if you are used to seeing only in a business style, wear old frayed jeans and a rumpled sweater on a weekend, or do not wear makeup and walk around the city. Allow yourself days off when you can put on comfortable clothes without worrying about the impression you make on strangers.
• delegate matters if your official position allows, and do not hesitate to ask for help or advice if you are incompetent in something;
• remember - it is impossible to please absolutely everyone. Do not forget to praise yourself for your achievements, even the smallest ones, and forgive yourself for mistakes. Everything can be fixed, and your health is more important.

If you find it difficult to follow these tips, the best solution would be if you seek help from a good, trusted specialist.

Most parents dream of their child becoming the best at everything, including academics. To achieve this, they make strict demands on children, and as confirmation of the success of children, they want to see good grades in their diaries.

If a child is drawn to knowledge, shows obedience, does not shy away from lessons and brings home excellent grades, this is good. Among these children, you can often find those who are prone to the "excellent student" syndrome. This is perceived by the parents as a gift, not a problem.

What is excellent student syndrome and its signs

Children prone to excellent student syndrome strive to always and in everything to be the best. They do not give themselves the right to make mistakes and set too high demands on themselves. They try to do everything “right”, but they do not know how to make independent decisions and distinguish the main from the secondary.

Signs of an excellent student's syndrome in a child:

• the child is sensitive to any criticism and remarks;
• the child shows jealousy when others receive excellent grades or praise;
• the child easily sacrifices for the sake of academic success, entertainment, hobbies or socializing with friends;
• in case of failure in school, the child develops apathy. He may withdraw and become depressed;
• the child has unstable self-esteem. It is worth praising it, as it is overstated, if it is criticized, it decreases;
• if a child is forgotten to praise, he becomes very upset and may cry;
• in order to get an excellent grade, the child can cheat or cheat;
• the main motive in learning for a child is to get an excellent grade at any cost, to arouse the approval and admiration of others.

Problems that can lead to excellent student syndrome

For children with an excellent student's complex, study is the meaning of life, and assessment is an indicator of "correctness". They do not strive for a specific result, but to do everything in accordance with a certain standard, since they are sure that they will be good only if they do everything flawlessly. This gives rise to the inability to concentrate on the main thing. For example, when performing any work, the main energy and time is spent not on completing the assigned task, but on the correct execution of minor details.

Excellent students have problems communicating with their peers, they rarely have close friends. This is due to the fact that such children make high demands not only on themselves, but also on others. Lack of friends can be the result of being busy or having too much self-esteem. All of this will be reflected in adulthood. Lack of communication during childhood can cause problems with communication skills and relationships with the opposite sex.

An excellent student's syndrome in adults can manifest itself as a constant dissatisfaction with their achievements, life, work and others. Such people are sensitive to criticism and their own failures, after which they give up and fall into deep depression.

What causes excellent student syndrome in children

Excellent student's syndrome can be either congenital or acquired. It is formed and manifested in childhood, when the child begins to learn.

An excellent student's syndrome in a child may appear due to:

• low self-esteem or inferiority complex... Children who think that they are somehow flawed try to compensate for this with excellent studies;
• natural need for recognition and approval... These are innate character traits that need to be smoothed out;
• desire to earn the love of parents;
• fear of punishment... Such children are characterized by shyness and increased discipline, they are afraid to disappoint their parents or teachers.

How to deal with excellent student syndrome

• Some parents attach too much importance to grades, perceiving them as something valuable, and pass this attitude on to their children. The child lives with the feeling that everything depends on his mark. This leads to constant tension, fears of not coping with the task, fear of disappointing parents. The main task of the parents of such children is to understand and convey to the child the idea that high appreciation is not the main goal in life.
• There is no need to demand from the child what he cannot cope with. The capabilities of children may not always meet the requirements of adults. Pay attention to what the child is most capable of and help him develop in this direction.
• There is no need to convince the child of his uniqueness. These words are not support for all children, and it can cause harm.
• Make it clear to your child that you will love him forever, and this will not be affected by grades.
• If the child is completely immersed in his studies, you need to teach him to rest and relax. Let him go for a walk more often or invite the children into your house. Spend more time with him, you can go to the forest, walk in the park, visit the children's entertainment center.
• Seeing that the child is trying, do not forget to encourage and praise him, even if he does not succeed in everything. Let him know that his desire to learn and his diligence are important to you, not the result. If he sets himself the goal of becoming an all-round excellent student in order to earn praise, it will not lead to anything good.

Well, this is not a real "syndrome" after all. That is not a diagnosis; we are talking about a tendency to excessive perfection in study and work assignments.

How to understand? Without getting into the sources, from the standpoint of common sense and observation of your beloved average:

1. Periodic discovery of oneself on the verge and even beyond the verge of a nervous breakdown. Overload. That is, an obvious traceable link: you find that aaaaaAAAA !!! - roar / rush at people / hate yourself / hate people / hate this damn work-study. Although generally normal, they are not quite hysterical. You do a simple analysis (twist your head, scratch your head, remember the events of a couple or three of the last days) - and yeah! - you have loaded yourself again over human strength.

And, if you have a tendency to excessive perfection (let's all the same without syndromes, they smell of hospital bleach and lysol), then such states are "on the verge of a foul", and precisely because of taking on a fig cloud of work / study loads, and striving to fulfill them in the best way is more or less regular. Well, every couple of months, or rather more often.

A noble sloven is experiencing such states only in session, and even then not always!

A! And at the same time you have to "hit on the head" and shout that you don't have to do everything perfectly, but you still want to die, but do everything perfectly, otherwise you are a weakling and a fool and horror.

1. Lack of ranking and prioritization in study / work assignments. That is, a person really strives to fulfill in the best possible way both what is really important for the future, and ten-degree tasks. Actually, 60% of this leads to point 1, another 40% - from a thoughtless willingness to take on all possible educational / work / social load in order to be a perfect student / employee, and not (remember) a weakling and stupid.

If what is written above is not about you, did not recognize yourself, - exhale, you do not have any syndrome.

If you find out, explain to yourself ... um ... so that it does not sound disrespectful, there is no such intention ... Here: I once explained to myself that if a cattle pulls a lot on itself, then you need to take care of it, otherwise it will fall, and everyone will feel bad.

Here is the main point: to understand that your forces, this resource, are finite. And they need to be distributed. And that it is possible only by highlighting a minimum of priorities (and here - die where you stand!), AT THE EXPENSE of the rest, where - not to do everything that you can not do. Google the "Eisenhower grid" from time management, it's like that.

And - within the highest priority task - ALSO looking for areas that are critically important, there - everything! - and the area of ​​noble indifference.

You can contact psychologists with this, but in general ... as a parent, I make categorical suggestions to my daughter, and she seems to understand; it is a parallel change of attitudes and habits.

You are quite, if you really have "it", you can reason, decide and inspire yourself - for yourself. It's never too late to have a happy childhood!)

Good day, dear readers. Today we will talk about what constitutes an excellent student's complex. You will know for what reasons it arises, and how to resist it. You will find out what consequences can be expected when the condition is neglected in childhood.

What is

Achievement syndrome is the desire to be the best, with the obligatory presence of praise. Most often observed in females who studied well at school, participated in contests or competitions. As for men, this syndrome most often develops on a subconscious level, and is dictated by the opinion that he will be worthy of love and praise only when he can perfectly cope with everything.

Main manifestations

1. Such a person will be very upset if he does not have time to cope with an elementary task.
2. Excessive responsibility is characteristic. Such people grab several tasks at the same time, for example, cooking, housekeeping, constant monitoring of the child.
3. In order not to feel oppressed, they need to do everything as well as possible.
4. Dependence on the opinions of people around. The need for their approval of their actions.
5. The inability to perceive yourself as you are, and appreciate for it.
6. Lack of ability to lose with honor. Acute response to such situations.
7. Inability to laugh at oneself, to enjoy life.
8. Criticism is perceived very sharply, instantly lowers self-esteem, there are often cases of depression.
9. Fear of taking a risky business. It is much easier to live according to his usual order, fear of changing jobs, starting something new.

Possible reasons

Before thinking about how to get rid of the syndrome, you need to know what factors influenced its formation. It is important to understand that most of them appear as a consequence of experiences in childhood. Let's take a look at common causes.

1. Improper upbringing due to ignorance of child psychology.
2. Praise unnecessarily.
3. Parents can cite a neighbor's child as an example, pointing out to their own his shortcomings and lag in comparison with him. Thus, they will cause the desire to become better and better.
4. Adults do not praise for achievements, they only scold for failures. Peers tease, begin to gloat.
5. Parents themselves decide with whom it is better to be friends, select a social circle consisting only of successful children.

Consequences in adulthood

Adult Achievement Syndrome, which begins in childhood, can cause serious problems in adulthood. Let's take a look at exactly what might happen.

1. At work. It will be very difficult for such a person to see more successful people next to him. He will try his best to win the approval of his boss. For this, he will stop sleeping, resting - all for the sake of a "catchphrase". And when this happens and they begin to extol him over the employees, colleagues will react sharply, discuss behind their backs and, to put it mildly, hate him. Such people are most often able to perform monotonous work according to a given algorithm, and not creative and creative tasks.
2. In the personal field. In this matter, the syndrome is especially acute in women. The girl will try to become perfect, she will want to learn how to cook better than the boy's mom, she will wash the apartment several times a day so that her beloved can see what kind of mistress she is. But when a young man takes all this for granted, does not praise the girl, then a scandal is inevitable. After all, she tried so hard, all so that he expressed his admiration. Naturally, not every guy will tolerate such an attitude towards his person, and most often he will simply break off tensions, and the girl will be left alone with her syndrome.
3. Raising kids. Such parents are extremely demanding of their offspring. They want their child to be perfect, the smartest, strongest and most beautiful. A father or mother with the syndrome enrolls the child in several circles at once, in language classes, in sports sections, because the baby must succeed in everything. Parents react extremely sharply to the poor academic performance of their offspring, and do not listen at all to the opinion of the child if he does not want to attend this or that circle. Because of their total control and constant employment in work, because there you need to be the best, they do not devote time to communication with the baby, are not interested in his feelings and fears, and do not provide support. Children with a strong psyche, when they get older, organize serious protests, start doing everything in spite of everything, which sometimes leads to the most dire consequences and serious manifestations. Guys with a weak mentality will simply begin to imitate the will of their parents, over time they will acquire this syndrome themselves.
4. Relationships in society. It is extremely difficult for them to create a social circle, find friends. After all, their essence is to constantly compete with the strong, trying to surpass them, and criticize the weak, showing their superiority. Therefore, friends of such people do not linger. And new acquaintances are considered successful mainly in cases when a really weak person becomes a friend who fully agrees with this definition.

When you meet an "excellent student", you will hear many flattering words about yourself, indicating his success. And, if you decide to make a comment or say that the achievements are not significant and are not worth anything, you will see a painful reaction and strong resentment.

How to get rid of

In this matter, psychology can come to the rescue, professional consultation with a specialist, or you can try to cope on your own. The following methods may be effective.

1. It is necessary to separate matters according to their importance. First of all, do what needs to be done urgently. If you don't have time, for example, to clean the kitchen floor, it won't be the end of the world.
2. It is very important to set aside time for rest. Good sleep and nutrition are of great importance.
3. Try to stand in front of the mirror and praise yourself for your merits. But not for the victories that came with hard work.
4. Introduce family rules requiring daily hugs and praise without regard for any accomplishments. It is very important to convey to a person with this syndrome that he is already the best, he is very much loved.
5. You can try to give free rein to extreme. Go to the rides or to the rope park.
6. We need to do a new business. Decide on a hobby. Be prepared for certain setbacks. After all, we are all human and this cannot be avoided. It is important to wait out this moment and understand that there is nothing wrong with making mistakes and lack of superiority over other people.
7. Pay attention to creative self-development. This is especially true for drawing. Thanks to creativity, you can relax, begin to show your emotions with a brush.
8. Don't be afraid to make mistakes, try to go against the rules.
9. If you see that the "excellent student" begins to worry, is very worried, then at such moments it is necessary to support him.
10. Try to completely change outwardly. These can be changes in hairstyle, in women's hair color, in fashionable clothes.
11. Communication with a psychologist. The specialist will explain what is more important, how to plan your day, set priorities. Will tell how a person with the syndrome aggravates his life, complicating it. The doctor will teach you how to get rid of the fear of communication with others. You can go to the sessions, both individually and with your family.

Now you know that no one is insured to get an excellent student's syndrome or an excellent student. You must understand that adulthood was preceded by similar behavior in childhood. If you yourself have a small child, do everything to prevent the development of such a complex.

Not only excellent students and good students suffer from the notorious syndrome of the excellent student. The desire to be the best and demonstrate only positive academic results can be equally inherent in hard-core C students. Educators explain this paradox by the fact that the fear of getting a bad grade at school or hearing negative feedback about themselves makes children more actively involved in the "race" of school achievements.

A child's desire to “always be on top” and to demonstrate his success to others is often a manifestation of his deep self-doubt. The reasons for this uncertainty can be very different. Usually these are complexes about their appearance, lack of friends, insufficiently high, in the child's opinion, family status. The child may also believe that the parents do not love him enough. In this case, striving to get good grades can be a way to attract the attention of adults and prove your worth to them.

Children often become an extension of their parents' ambitions. Many of them believe that in order for a son or daughter to achieve something in life, one must fully devote oneself to the child. long ago proved the fact that behavioral and psychological problems of children are a reflection of the internal attitudes of their parents and those patterns of behavior that are adopted in the family. Dads and mothers, making high demands on themselves, unconsciously transfer their own qualities and problems to children, forming in them the so-called "excellent student's syndrome." At the same time, parents may not make specific requirements for the child. Children subtly feel the mood of others, intuitively tuning in to their "wave".

The perfectionist child tends to experience even minor setbacks very keenly. The pursuit of success and achievement can turn into depression for him. After all, being always the best is hard both physically and mentally. Such children lose their childlike spontaneity and the ability to enjoy what is good in their life. They have problems communicating with their peers.

The fear of doing something wrong prevents the perfectionist from learning. The child is very worried about educational failures, upset, making a minor mistake, afraid to make a mistake when answering in the lesson, and having received a three, he suffers. There are cases when such children dropped out of school altogether.

They will learn how to do their homework correctly by watching another video tutorial on the portal "I am a parent". Advice is given by a child psychologist Ekaterina Tsukanova.

How to help a child get rid of an excellent student's complex?

Performing well in school is not a sign that your child is suffering from excellent student syndrome. He may be really interested in learning. However, if behind the price of fives there are great efforts and fear of punishment, and school failures are perceived as catastrophes, this is a symptom that the child needs the help of a parent or a psychologist.

The portal "I am a parent" gives five that will help a child get rid of the excellent student's syndrome.

Parents should continually adjust their expectations to match their children's abilities. Consider how they relate to your child's capabilities. After all, the maximum grade for each student is different. One has a five, and the other has a three. If you want to change something in your child, then start with yourself. Lower the bar on the requirements for a son or daughter by abandoning the ambition to raise the "ideal child." And most importantly, reconsider your attitude to the child's academic performance - success in life does not always depend on grades at school!

2. Cultivate the correct attitude towards grades

Explain to your child that he will face grades everywhere and always, not just in school life. However, they cannot completely determine his mood and self-image. Reassure your son or daughter that you value them regardless of their school performance. Show your love and care for them, regardless of the marks in your diary.

3. Do not compare your child with other children.

If you do not want to raise a loser who is offended by the whole world and has lost confidence in their abilities, stop comparing your son or daughter to other “successful and talented” children. By scolding one and praising the other child, imposing him as an example on the first, you oppose them to each other. The very fact of the assessment seriously traumatizes the psyche of the child, deprives him of confidence in parental support. In doing so, you provoke the child to engage in rivalry with stronger students, which is not always good for him.

4. Give the right to make mistakes

Expecting that a child will not make any mistakes is being overly harsh and misrepresenting life. Explain to your child that he has the right to be wrong. Realizing this will help him overcome the fear of saying or doing something wrong.

5. Develop a sense of humor in children.

Children who are very sensitive to other people's opinions should be reminded that they don't have to be perfect in the eyes of others. Try it. An optimist is easier to survive the hardships of life, better converges with peers and is popular with them.

Nadezhda Malinkina

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