Colleague for work dissolves gossip. You are a gossip object. Sleep to threats and letting? well, I do not! A person who has a public lie cobweb around you, just not worthy of your attention. And in general, folk wisdom reads: "If you are talking about you, it means that

The subject is gossip, as a rule, becomes extraordinary, bright personalities. If you feel yourself with individuality, it is best to gossip in your address with irony. But there is a category of professional gossip groups that purposefully and deliberate disinformation. Objectives in such people can be the most different: displacement from office, damage to the family or personal life of the opponent, discrediting a person in society.

If you are not indifferent to your reputation, you can talk to those who discuss your personal life. The likelihood that the gossip will lose interest to you, in this case is great.

In order not to become a subject of gossip in the team, you need to talk as little as possible about yourself, your plans, family. By this you do not give the soil with gossip: there is no information - there is no preposition for discussion. Choosing politics, art or culture as a topic for communication, you maximize the circle of information about yourself. There is a proven and reliable way to combat gossip - a step forward. This means that you need to act on ahead. Have you reached rumors about the non-existent novel with the chief or have you seen in the company? Sign up for the reception to the boss and leave the door half-open. Say your thoughts correctly, without justifying, without worrying. As stated in a famous film, we will take your caress! Supporting friendly and sincere relationships with colleagues, neighbors and acquaintances, you will be able to neutralize negative situations, if not 100%, then half - exactly.

If you are a gossip object, then:
- You should not protest too much, even if you are treated for living;
- Apply the method of shock therapy, start agreeing with what they are told about you, but it is necessary to do in comic and ironic form;
- in any situation, control yourself and your emotions;
- Try to talk with a gossip alone;
- Time - the most best Assistant, in no case, do not focus on rumors, everything will be fine with time.

In any case, try to forgive people their curiosity. Analyze the situation and find out the causes of rumors. If it is impossible to establish relations with the distributor of gossip, in the end, stop communicating with him. But if the gossip went beyond the permitted, it will probably have to develop a combat plan. Act wisely, persistent, worthy, without losing self-control.

Probably there is no man who, at least once in his life, did not become a victim of gossip. How to protect yourself psychologically?

Our expert is a psychologist Olga Zingman.

Who is under blow?

For gossip about themselves, everyone reacts in different ways. There are people who have conversations about their person even deliver pleasure. Psychologists call this type of personality demonstrative. A man of such a warehouse is eager to be in the spotlight. He believes, since he is talking about him, it means that he is worthy of interest. Such people not only do not object to gossip, but sometimes they provoke their appearance, telling about themselves something out of the rank out or even shameful.

However, most people because of the crosses in their address are still experiencing. Two categories are especially vulnerable. First of all, these are pedantic people who are "stuck" on the negative. Having learned what we were gossipped, such a person begins to think about it, can't switch, it helps himself. The result is the resentment, anger, aggression is extremely devastating emotions that may lead to problems with physical health.

The second category is disturbing people who are not confident. They have already low self-esteem, and the gossip inflicts an additional blow. Against the background of the crosses of such a person, such a person should be rejected: "What if people will hear all these nasty about me, believe and stop communicating?!". Such experiences may well bring to the nervous breakdown.

Build protection

It is impossible to achieve that you do not gossip you, it simply does not depend on you. It happens that man trying to stop gossip, ceases to talk about his life. And as a result, conversations continue, only now they are based not on real events, and on ridiculous fiction, the creativity of which could envy the science fiction writer.

Do not try to stick to the gossip, arrange a "full-time bet". Most likely, this will lead only to the new turn of the sickness. Even worse - justify, telling everything that said is not true. Practice shows: the more the person concentrates on a gossip about himself, the greater vulnerability shows, the more negative about him they speak behind him behind him. Therefore, the best thing to be done is to pay "chatter" less attention. For this:

Just post a gossip.Reasons for talking about you nasty, a person can have a lot. This and the desire to take revenge for anything, and envy, and in this case, speaking of you nasty, he is trying to raise himself - and just a shortage in the life of bright events. Be that as it may, all this indicates the inferiority, that man is unhappy. This is worthy of regret, not anger or resentment.

Work with self-esteem.It is not necessary to make it high, the main thing is that it is more stable. Understand and evaluate yourself will help work with a psychologist. If you do not have the opportunity to go to him, contact your loved ones, relatives, friends. To those whose opinion is important for you and who treats you benevolently. Ask them to tell about your strengths and weaknesses. Just give yourself a promise to nothing to be offended - you are trying to sort out yourself.

Use psychological techniques.It happens that, despite all the efforts, the gossip still "climbs" in the head. In such a situation, it will be useful to take advantage of this technique. Return in a relaxed atmosphere and imagine how the tower is built around you. Choose the material you like. It may be even a concrete, even though a tree, even a thin glass, but in any case, this material is magical: it is invulnerable to any blows, even for an atomic explosion. And he also has a property, like police mirrors in detective films: From the inside you see absolutely everything, and it is impossible to look outside the tower. Build the walls at the distance of an extended hand, you should not be close in them. You can take into your tower those who are close and dear to you, put there your favorite things - in general, imagine that you are comfortable and good. And now imagine gossip. They try to penetrate all their might into the tower - they make the subpople, send arrows from the bow, throw them with stones, put dynamite ...

And they do not work anything - because the tower is impregnable. Such a picture should be submitted every time you hear negative conversations about yourself. Over time, you will stop paying attention to them, and life will become more harmonious.

Everyone can become a victim of gossip. Probably, it is natural to be interested in the life of others. After all, curiosity is a natural feeling for a person. We all do not mind to chat about others, but when it comes to us, we are lost and do not know how to behave how to respond to conversations for our back.

We will define first with the concept of "gossip". They need to be distinguished from "slander". The slanderer can, for example, bring to justice in court reports psychologov.net.

Gossip - the transfer of inaccurate information about someone, it is a "spoiled phone": someone alone told about his guesses, another picked up, and ... the whole team is aware. The gossip, like a fairy tale, is transmitted from mouth to mouth, each will add something, in its own way embellish. Therefore, the source of rumors is difficult to find. The gossip is difficult to punish, this is not a direct insult.

Gossip are in any team, be it male or female. It is not true that in women's is a more common disease. Men "twisted bones" no worse than women.

How do you behave if you gossip you?

First, you need to remember that they are discussing those who differ at least from others. Maybe you are not married, and the rest - the mother or fathers of the family, can all dress just, and you - in the last fashion, everyone talks about children, about domestic problems, and you call a date ... If you are gossipped, then you are interested .

There are gossips who purposefully dissolve rumors. These are very cunning people who come to you in trust, sometimes even provoke you to unfosst statements about colleagues and superiors, and then inform information to the desired addressee. Consciously humiliates in the eyes of the leadership and the team, they set the goal to shift you from office, or achieve your dismissal. These are people who by intrigue achieve the highest level at work.

Or maybe a gossip envy you? Or you once offended him, and to answer, he does not suit the stormy scene, but just throws about you gossip.

Is it possible to ignore gossip? You can, if it does not harm your family life or career. But if the gossip drives sticks, then you need to talk to him. After that, he simply will lose interest in you, and may be frightened by exposure. Because gossip usually spread inherently people. Speaking about someone bad, finding shortcomings and discussing them, the gossip increases its self-esteem.

Learn to listen. Speak little. Remember? "All of what you have said can be used against you." Whatever a benevolent team does not seem to, talk less about himself, about the family, about his life. Thus, there will be no preposition for discussion. And if you really want to talk, then conversations about films, about politics, about the news of fashion and culture, the television shows will not harm your reputation. On the contrary, you will enjoy a well-informed person.

Another method of combating gossip groups is ahead or rumors prevention. How does this happen? Colleagues whisper that you have a novel with the chief, and you need to receive it. What to do? For example, entering the office, leave the door open. And then there will be no reason for rumors. This is about prevention.

How to peer rumors? Colleague saw you on the street not with her husband, but with a former classmate, whom you have not seen a hundred years. Oh God! She naughnthazes himself unknown that it will break it all over the office! First, do not forget to talk about a meeting with a classmate husband. And coming to work, in no case are not justified, and simply state your correct version. Justify, it means to blame.

In order not to become a peddle of any gossip, do not talk about others bad. Remember the proverb: what you can't praise - that is not duck. With you gossip? Listen, and then just forget.

Try to maintain normal relationships with colleagues. Do not conflict. Look for good people, feel about them with soul. Speak sincere compliments. Of course, it is impossible to like everyone, to be friends with everyone, but you can be in good relationships.

It's sad to realize that people talk about you behind your back. Since such gossip is quickly distributed, it is difficult to find a source of woven. It is for this reason that, most likely, you will only spoil the situation, trying to confront people who dissolve rumors about you. Best tactic in this case - ignoring. In addition, you can try to become more positive and change your view for gossip.

Steps

How to work with people who gossip

Do nothing. You may have a temptation to resist a person who is gossipped about you, in this case, the best answer to his actions is to ignore his gossip. Just think, because this person will not be able to say these words to your face. Therefore, you should not give it new topics for gossip. Just stop this vicious circle, completely ignoring gossip.

Treat gossip with kindness. Another way to react to gossip is to raise a good attitude towards people. Gossips will be confused and puzzled by the fact that you feel so good despite the fact that they dissected gossip about you. In addition, if you treat everything with optimism, gossips may feel guilty for what they talked about your back.

Set restrictions on gossip. If you have to spend a lot of time with people who talk about you behind your back, try to stay from them away. Remember that you are not obliged to be friends with them just because they are forced to work together.

• Be kind, but not closer with gossip. Do not tell them personal belongings that in the future can be another topic for gossip.

1. Think about the motives of the gossip. If your friend or acquaintance began to spread about you, most likely, he had his reasons for it. Most good friends would not spread different negative rumors about you that can upset you. If your friend just became a member of these gossip, try to figure out why he did it, and also think about how he could react to these rumors.

   • You can ask the following questions: "How did you know what is happening?" Or "What did you say, spreading this rumor?". You can just ask: "Why are you telling me this?" Answers to these questions will help to understand the motives of the gossip.
   • You do not need to stop your relationship with the gossip. But it will be reasonable to communicate with this person with greater accuracy. Most likely, this person is not as innocent, how tries to seem. Perhaps he himself spreads gossip, and not trying to stop them.

2. Do not gossip. You already know how unpleasant it is when you talk about your back. But if you are not trying to stop it, we can assume that you are also to blame for the current situation. Some people just like to discuss the personal lives of other people, but remember that they will not be able to do this if they have no listeners (that is, people who share their opinions).

   Talk to someone who enjoys authority. If gossip interferes with your work or study, you will need to solve this problem at the administration level. In this case, a teacher or manager will help to understand this problem.

In the working groups, as well as in any human communities, the conflicts arising from them are inevitable, among which gossip are most unpleasant. The fact is that such a situation is always complicated by several circumstances.

The best way to deal with gossip is not to allow them to occur.

• First, it is not clear what caused their occurrence. Unpleasant hearing simply exists and poison your life.
• Secondly, a "process" is involved too large number of participants, and already a person who does not feel good for you in general, it does not suspect, can act as an enemy, passing someone false information.
• And the third - it is not clear how it will end. Even the most ridiculous hearing for a long time remains in memory and after its exposure.

therefore the best way Fight with gossip - it is not to allow them to occur.

No, not he!

Most effective tool Preventing crosses to your address is a good reputation. Not right to those who believe that it is created for years. Not! For years, it is supported, and it is created almost in the first days, and sometimes even hours of your stay at work. The fact is that having seen a new employee, the working team immediately tries to identify it, classify, cataloge and already, having hung at him some label, calmly put on the shelf. And on which shelf you will fall - depends on you.

Why are they with me?

Do not be disappointed in all people and get closed, just do not talk about yourself what you would not want to betray public.

But sometimes the appearance of gossip becomes a real psychological strike for a person. This happens when the "victim" itself passed some confidential information to a dishonest person who decided to take advantage of a trustful relationship.

In such a situation, people are frequency, simple, who are divided with all the details of their lives often. And the most difficult thing for them is not to lose confidence in others.

« Because of his inability to understand people, I suffered since school times, – Report manager Victoria S. – INbeculture told her secrets not to those who should, and then fell into stupid situations. At first, these events seemed to me by chance, but soon I understood - the reason is that I do not feel a trick, I do not know how to consider other people's intentions. For example, if someone shares with me with something personal, I thought that I was obliged to tell something about myself. By the way, that's how I was sometimes "spinning" on the frankness lovers to move bones. Now I strictly adhere to the rule: your personal life is discussed only with close people, and at work there are quite different».

If you learned that someone revealed your secret, do not panic – Nothing irreparable happened. Your colleagues will turn to another object for discussion faster than you can expect. But even after a while you feel that you are still unpleasant to be in this community, start searching for new work, but this time I will take into account previous errors. Do not be disappointed in all people and get closed, just do not talk about yourself what you would not want to betray public.

Office Vendetta.

Another way to protect yourself from gossip is not to conflict.

In general, the search for the reasons why shukels arises behind his back, it is best to start with the analysis of your own actions. Ask yourself: Would there be cases when you stayed offended by a person? Did it happen that you behaved with someone sophisticated, allowed sharpness, rudeness in a conversation? Do you often start your speech with the word "no" or in general, with the denial of the value of the interlocutor?

If you do not show tact and delicacy in communication, then no matter how good the worker you are, you can not count on love. Therefore, the next way to protect yourself from gossip is not to conflict. Psychologists confirm that aggressive behavior - This is nothing more than an attempt to protect. Very often, parents inspire their children: "You must be able to defend yourself." The main danger of this formulation is that it is already in itself implies the inevitability of the attack. A closed circle is formed: expecting negative manifestations, such people see them in any innocent remarks and jokes, behave aggressively, after which, of course, follows the response. Sometimes they unconsciously provoke others to conflicts, but since no one wants to contact them - they do not hear others and do not perceive other people's arguments, they are discussed for their eyes. And why such a discussion can lead, we all know well.

Svetlana Katava, managing director of the recruitment company AVRIO GROUP CONSULTING , Warns: "Immediately I would like to say that gossip and gossips in office life were, there will be. It is important to be able to react correctly or in some cases do not react to gossip and not allow them to spoil your life at work. The nature of the gossip is different. Sometimes rumors generates the situation in the company: a tense communication environment, the lack of understandable and unequivocal official information on a number of important issues, etc., and sometimes the occasion gives the employees themselves by a heavy, non-advising character who causing or simply unusual behavior. If you reflect on this topic a little, then notice that it is very rarely spreading rumors about friendly, benevolent, always ready to help colleague people. But employees with complex characterUnclean, allowing themselves sharp, and sometimes offensive statements in relation to their colleagues, quite often become objects to spread about them gossip. "

Who will talk about com

Another reason for the occurrence of rumors lies in the peculiarities of human psychology - people just like to "dig" in other people's problems. Discussion of others is including a unifying factor.

Answer cleanliness: Have you ever gled yourself?

Answer cleanliness: Have you ever gled yourself? It is unlikely that someone will say: "Never." We all discuss third parties from time to time in their absence and convey information from other people's words. This is called to gossip.

If people think, why they lead such conversations, it often finds out that the reason is not in personal gain, revenge, desire to harm the person. Often, the motives will be such: to feel your own in society, emphasize our own significance, involvement in secret, try to warn someone. It turns out that in most cases there is no evil intent in the gossip, but there is just a desire to talk.

And the most "convenient" object for Obides often become those people who are noticeably different from others and oppose themselves to the community. But if such a person - you yourself, then it is very uncomfortable. In his own experience, I was convinced by the head of the IT department Evgeny M.: " I always sought to be independent and to have my own opinion. Moreover, I expressed it not only in the conversation, but also through my appearance. Tattoos, piercing, unusual clothes very brightly demonstrated my musical tastes and attitude to life. At work, I did not communicate with anyone, considering myself above office intransigents and corporate events. Colleagues seemed to me with people boring and nearby. Since I worked as a system administrator, which, in the opinion of many, simply must be a man with oddities, I all went with my hands. A year later, the company began to expand, and to help me took a senior student. He did not possess special knowledge, and his practical experience was not at all, but at the same time he immediately became friends with all employees and placed his superiors.

Soon I began to notice that it was more often treated for him, and the feeling arose that the assistant I, and not he. To me, the attitude was increasingly and hostile. It was worth it to get sick, my colleagues were shusching: "I went in stuff", although in fact I never had with alcohol problems. When the assistant was so mastered that he could do without my help, my imaginary alcoholism became a formal reason for dismissal. It is difficult to say who and why let me have such a gossip about me, but this situation served me a lesson. On the new job I now come in accordance with the dress code. Yes, and the style of communication with colleagues had to be changed. By the way, among them were quite interesting people».

"Such situations are not uncommon," said Svetlana Katava. - Therefore, it is important to socially adapt, make sure that the team accepted you. And it depends only on you. As a rule, they do not like skiing, podhalimov, boils and quiet, who seem to be "on their minds", people who deny common values, arrogant, put themselves above the others. The community seeks to displace all foreign onwards, sometimes even unconsciously, instinctive. No one makes you be friends or maintain close contacts absolutely with everyone, but to establish positive working relationships is very important.

Here are some tips, how to join the team and not to become an object for spreading woven:

• be friendly, welcoming with everyone, do not let poor mood or personal problems influence your communications,
• interest the life of colleagues, their opinions on various issues,
• try to listen to employees, if possible, help them,
• if this is customary, bring something delicious to work to treat colleagues, and it is not necessary for this to wait for a birthday or another reason,
• and the most important thing is never to spread the gossip yourself and do not push the gossip! "

What to do, if…?

Do not justify, defend or revenge - it is not effective.

It's time to respond to the main question: what to do if you suddenly learned that there is an unpleasant hearing about you on the team? Of course, the universal recipe does not exist - it all depends on the team and the person himself.

Recommendations give Svetlana Kataeva: "How to react? In most cases, it is better not to justify and do nothing, the gossips will lose interest in you after a while and will deal with other affairs and news. It is also useful to analyze, what is the root cause of the appearance of gossip about you? Who is profitable? So you will most likely be able to identify the initiator of the spread of woven. But do not justify, defend or revenge - this is not effective. The gossip, as a symptom, is not able to treat him without rearing the disease. And the disease in this case is bad relationships with someone from colleagues. It is necessary to establish them. "