What you eat soap from the table or bread. What puzzles in a Russian prison ask a novice

“This prison game is a famous registration, it scares the green prisoners even earlier, even in the preliminary detention cells of the police, where there is always a seasoned or just talkative and eager to frighten the neighbor.

Registration of a newcomer in a prison cell is a system of questions (or jokes) asked by his old-timers. It starts with simple and not immediately. Two or three days a person lives in a cell, and what he is worth is usually seen very quickly. If the standing, his own, familiar guy - is canceled, the tradition is forgotten. If you do not like something: cowardly, for example (it can be seen, oh, as you can see in the cell), or greedy (also very soon becomes noticeable), immoderately boastful or arrogant, and a fool if too, sloppy, defiantly forgetful to etiquette of chamber life ... […]

So he is seen in this. Yes, even unsympathetic, unpleasant to several at once. And the camera decides: registration. Here, of course, the beginner's physical strength also plays a huge role (although those two, for example, whose fall I saw in Volokolamsk, were very healthy young guys - the main thing is still in the power of the spirit, in the person’s internal data). Frail - in much greater danger. Faint-hearted, cowardly, nervous especially. But even a fully developed physically, a newbie is able to cope with each one individually - he’s in opposition to everyone now, and the camera seems to him at first to be a monolithically cohesive team of criminals who have crumbled and become friends, who already know something that is far from him. He is usually alert, discreet and circumspect. If he is too swaggering and invigorating - a sure sign of internal fear, even more attracting the attention of those who want to have some fun. As if fear has an easily distinguishable smell (and it sometimes seems that there is), exciting animal bestial instincts. And - registration.

Offer to play the game. From prison games do not refuse. The pilots and miners, for example (a lot of games). Who will you be? - ask a novice. Unknown and incomprehensible both. Well, a miner, he answers. Then crawl under the bunkers, there is slaughter, collect coal. He crawls, wiping dust and dirt under the plank bed. Get out. Now who will you be? Well, probably a better pilot, he says. He is blindfolded with a towel. From which boom will you fly - from the bottom or from the top? - ask him. I was scared if he said - from the bottom. But he has already heard and understands that the main thing is not to prove to be a coward in any circumstances. From the top, he answers. Will you fall on dominoes or placed chess? - ask him. When you stand blindfolded, a picture of how you fly flat from two meters to the tips of the placed figures appears very vividly. It is bad if a domino beginner chooses: they will force him to fall down, and his registration will begin to tighten. But if he overcomes himself and calmly says: to chess, there will be three more minutes of fear and nothing more. While the figures will be placed, while they are sitting on the backboard, and the seconds are the most terrible, when you have to fly off of it yourself - to fall down blindly with your whole body. Sharply jerking - was not - he flops, expecting sharp pain, but falls on a stretched blanket. Only these games are not always so harmless.

They can offer another (the choice depends entirely on the mood of the camera). A beginner may be offered to compete with one of the old-timers in resistance to pain. They are both blindfolded (first, old-timers), planted on both sides of the table, and the novice scrotum, he feels it with horror, tightened with a thin rope, the end of which - as he is explained - is given to the opponent. And he is handed the end of the rope, also tied. Start - strictly on command. He quickly pulls the rope, feels unbearable pain, screams and pulls harder, but the pain is even sharper, and he almost faints, because he pulls himself - the rope is simply slung around the table. They untie his eyes and watch him react to the mockery.

New game - bus. This is a newcomer, getting down on all fours, and on his back, someone who is heavier, perches. Go! The newcomer passes two or three meters, the space that is usually in the chamber stops turning and taking a break. The passenger rider asks him what a stop. Keeping the tone of the game, the beginner calls one. Let's go further! It will last as long as he does not guess to say: the stop is final.

A lot of questions on intelligence. In general, the mind is valued in prison and camp.   Is it not because among those who have fallen here there are a lot of mentally underdeveloped, backward and inferior? And still it is not possible in the game to show that offended, wounded, offended. The game is a game.

For example - in astrologers. A novice stargazer climbs under a padded jacket and must, through her sleeve extended upwards — the telescope — count loudly the stars drawn on paper — he clearly sees them through the sleeve as if through a pipe. At this time, a basin of cold water unexpectedly pours into it through the sleeve - the basin for washing, for some reason called Alenka, is always in the chamber. How will a newcomer react to this by getting out wet under the general laughter of others?

Do you respect me? - Asks one of the old-timers. Yes! - the newbie is responding ready. Then drink a cup of water for my health. He drinks. Do you respect me? - asks the second. Then for me a mug. And in the chamber, as a rule, more than a dozen people. Cups after three or four it becomes torture. Guess, newcomer, guess at the second or third circle that you respect everyone and drink the last for general health.

How many corners are there in the camera? - ask him. Four, he says, without thinking. Wrong. The angle in the language of registration (in general, this word is not used) is a criminal, it is necessary to name the number of people in the cell. But how can a newcomer know about this? And you don’t need to know that the purpose of most of the questions is c) that there is no answer, because stupid children's questions for not answering are punished by beating, but more on that later. And therefore, there are so many questions to which you can’t give right answers if you don’t know them in advance - here, by the way, it turns out at the same time who the novice communicated with in the wild, for many of those who were sitting earlier bring home registrations. For those who know, they are doing shorthand - the number of questions is reduced or registration is canceled.

And for all the wrong answers assigned the number of free kicks - kotsev. Kotsy is generally any shoe, kotz is a strong blow with the sole of the removed shoe (or boot) on the slightly bulged (the beginner bends over himself) ass. The pain is tolerable, even though it is strong, and from the blows of ten to fifteen bruises appear on the buttocks, preventing them from sitting for a week.

But now the trifles end (registration lasts several days). Now, when he knows what pain is from kotsy, the first ominous question is asked: - Three hundred balls or a sip of a bucket? And do not let the Lord chill before the expected pain. And on this issue, many succumb, mindlessly prejudging their future. In general, in those seven prisons that I had a chance to see, there was already a sewage system, taking a purely symbolic sip of running water from the bucket seems little meaning to an incomparably more terrible, already known pain. But who did this, becomes a pig, Chushkar - the nickname of a prison outcast. He will now eat separately, and no one will give him his hands. Anyone can insult and strike him - and do not even think about giving change - the collective is waiting for his reprisal. He crossed the threshold, he is in another now prison caste. Twenty-year-old children, dumbfounded from idleness, play these cruelties seriously.

The pig eats separately, and not at the common table, he removes the camera, he will soon erase at all, and talk about fights will come in, he will be put in the middle of the camera as a training dummy, and he will be shown blows and painful techniques.

After a short time, he will almost inevitably be made a pederast, if he does not have time to leave for the stage during this period, break out of the cell, asking the authorities for this (but without explaining what the matter is, of course, denunciations are punished immediately as soon as possible).

But even in his new cell, they will cry out through the bars or on a walk, they will pass a note, even at the risk of a punishment cell and beatings from the guards, no, he will receive peace for a while only in a special cell for the offended. But this is only a break in his almost destined fate.

Three hundred kots, responds unaffected, sharing a common (purely playful, symbolic) attitude to the parasha and everything connected with it. Three hundred hits better, he answers. And he will be rewarded: they will hit him ten times - and his scratch-eye ”.

Guberman, IM, Walking around the hut, M., "The Verb", 1993, p. 78-82.

I have no answer, but there are a bunch of other similar prison "jokes".

Do not trust, do not fear, do not ask.

Read, giggle, do not be sad.

TWO CHAIRS (CLASSICS):

There are two chairs, on one the peaks are turned, on the other x * and others * cheny, on which one will you sit down, on which mother will you plant?

Answer: I will pick up the peaks, cut down the x * and others *, sit myself and plant the mother.

Answer # 2: I will sit on the peaks myself and put my mother on my knees.

You fly on a parachute, on the right - a forest of xy * s, on the left - a sea of ​​gov * a. Where are you going to sit?

Answer: There is a glade in every forest, and an island in every sea.

You fell into a hole. In the pit pie and x * d. What do you eat, what in * oops you will thrust?

Answer: Take the pie and get out of the pit.

* OPA OR MOTHER?

In F * poo you will give or mother will sell?

Answer: F * pa is not given, the mother is not for sale.

Question in the forehead: A fork in the eye or in x * poo time?

Answer: And there are no forks in the zone.

Answer # 2: I don't see one-eyed people here.

SOAP OR BREAD?

What do you eat - soap from the table or bread from the bucket?

Answer: The table is not a soap dish, the crib is not a bread box.

ABOUT SUGAR:

You and Kent are walking in the Sahara Desert. At a distance of a hundred kilometers there is no housing, no settlements, no one and nothing but sand. Suddenly a poisonous snake crawls out, rushes to Kent and bites him for x * d. What are you going to do?

Answer: If Kent has a dickhead above the knee, then the snake will not reach. If below - then he sucks.

Answer # 2: Today is Kent, and tomorrow is the cop.

PRO TRAIN:

You ride the train, chained to the arms, you can turn them either to the left or to the right. Ahead is a fork in the road - on the right, the mother is tied to a pole, ten to the left are kenty. Where will you turn, whom you crush?

Answer: Today are kents, and tomorrow are cops.

The answer to all the riddles listed above: Wake up.

PRO BONES:

Snakes sitting on shkonare, open the feeder and give gruel, dry bread. In the morning again open the feeder and see the bones. Question: where are the bones from, if the convict is alive?

Answer: Dice.

ABOUT COATS:

There were two roosters, one before dinner, and the other after dinner, who was worse?

Answer: Who is already worse.

They draw a football goal on the wall and a ball on the floor. They say to score a goal. What will you do?

Answer: Ask for a pass.

They give you a broom and say: "Play something on the guitar." What will you do?

Answer: Give me a broom with the words "And you are in the mood first"

YOUR BOTTLE:

Bottle smash and say: "Sew." What will you do?

Answer: Ask to turn inside out.

They ask to play on the battery, like on a button accordion. What will you do?

Answer: Ask inflate fur.

This is an integral part of the spontaneously established initiation rite, for a simple "registration".

Here is a rough explanation:

"In the first riddle of two chairs there is an indication of the existence of the sacred in the life of the convict - mother and anal virginity. The sacral here is used in the sense of" overvalued "- if caring for the mother would be a simple concern for the welfare of the other, then in case of great danger to sacrifice her as kents mentioned in other enigmas. Similarly, if caring for anal virginity would simply be an attempt to avoid suffering, it would not be possible to sacrifice one, for example, to save another person from suffering shameful, but noble, or at least permissible. But from the point of view of an ideological thief, “take a fuck in the ass” or “sell the mother" is impossible not because it leads to suffering, but because it is impossible. In this irrationality rationality - as our Prophet said - vertebrates are evolutionarily more successful than invertebrates. Overvalues ​​are the backbone of an intelligent being.

Another moment - in fact, all the tasks put the subject before the sadistic choice - and the correct answer is to find a third way - “take the peaks turned, cut down the humps drosting”, “there are clearings in every forest, there are islands in every sea”. Either declare both proposed choices as impossible / illegal actions - “ass is not given, mother is not for sale”, “there are no forks in the zone”. Such puzzles are a kind of basic training ingenuity - and at the same time a test for its presence. The thief is constantly in a dangerous environment, and must find unobvious ways out of difficult situations - only in this way can he survive. And it is curious that most of the answers are collapsible or even rhymed - they say, the third option should not be too complicated - and therefore potentially unreal, and ideally it should be found with an acrobatic skill, and intuitively.

The third point I would like to point out is the development of indifference to some external demands of reality. Here, for example, is the mystery about the train — its conclusion is that the thief should take care first, of the overvalued one — of preserving his ridge, and second, of his selfish gain. In the light of all this - and in the presence of a hostile environment - the life and well-being of completely left-wing individuals should be ignored - for they themselves will easily ignore your life and your well-being. "Today, the kents, and tomorrow, the cops" - that is, the left usernames may turn out to be not only potential friends, but also potential enemies. A similar pattern is contained in the riddles about “give a pass”, “sew a bottle”, “play on a broom” - they say, you offer to do something, show proof of possibility and usefulness. And it is necessary to answer so that the offeror quickly dispelled doubts about the uselessness or inability to fulfill his offer. "

On this occasion, prominent thinkers of the past expressed themselves:

There are two chairs. On one, the peaks are turned, on the other x * and jerked. On what you will sit down, on what mother you will plant?

Plato: You can consider two chairs as a reflection of the dualism of soul and body. If a chair with x * yami symbolizes low-bodied bodily thoughts, the chair with peaks reflects the warlike aspirations of the eternal soul. I choose peaks.

Aristotle: Knowledge about each individual property must be acquired from experience, and therefore I will try both chairs. However, x * and I prefer.

Lao Tzu: I’ll probably stand.

Thomas Aquinas: Only God is true being; therefore, we should endure enduring all bodily torments, denying the lust and dirty strivings of the body. Therefore, I will sit on the peaks.

Michel Montaigne: A person cannot know the absolute truth, and therefore there is no difference what chair to sit on.

Schopenhauer: Human activity is guided only by anger, selfishness and compassion. Therefore, sit yourself on your shitty chairs, asshole, and I sympathize with you a little.

Voltaire: But where are these chairs? In one place or everywhere, without taking up space? I know nothing about it. Are they from a single substance? I know nothing about it. Peaks are fine-molded or x * and jerked? I know nothing about it.

Rene Descartes: I am sitting on a chair, which means I exist.

Kant: The question of two chairs lies in the field of antinomies of pure reason. If a chair with x * s can be called a thesis, then a chair with peaks is its antithesis. Considering that the solution of antinomies can never be found in experience, I will just sit in front of these chairs and will think for a long time, but in the end I will not choose anything.

Hegel: The answer to the questions that philosophy leaves unanswered is that they must be put differently. There is not enough of the third chair, which would be huge x * and, studded with sharp spikes. Oh, did I say it out loud?

Marx: Let's just seat the capitalists on a chair with x * yami, and the imperialists on a chair with peaks.

Freud: In my opinion, the answer is obvious.

Nietzsche: I will stand with my feet on both chairs and dance, because I'm fucked! Hooray to me!

Berdyaev: I will take sharp peaks, cut x * and jerks, every child knows that here.

Camus: In unspeakable despair, I will lie on the floor near the chairs and will look at the ceiling. And then I will die, as we all do.

Heidegger: According to which chair should the meaning of being be read, what chair should be the starting point for the opening of being? The question of two chairs is an existential question that is learned through experience. But considering that experience always already takes place in the world and being, I will not sit on one. Look how many philosophers before me already sat on them!

Derrida: A chair? What is a "chair"? What is "x * d"? What are "peaks"? These are just words. We are locked in the boundaries of our language and know the world only with its help. Therefore, your question does not make sense.

show 1 more answer

God has, the king does not,
Boris is in front, and Gleb is behind,
The women have two, and the girls have none!
Answer: Letter b
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3439

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Answer:   With teeth not born
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3217

At the bottom of the sea is a chest. Everything is there, except for one. What is not in it?
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3189

The word of 9 letters with 6 consonants in a row.
Answer: VZBZDNut
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2837

One morning, a man notices that there is no air at all in one of the tires of his car. Still, he gets into the car and drives 150 km to his client. After the visit, he returns. Although he did not inflate the tire, he could move on his car without any problems. Why could he drive a car?
Answer:   Flat tire was on spare tire
temple Nastya
2121

Which word has 3 letters l and three letters n?
Answer: Parallelepiped
ilyichev Lelya, Samara
3490

It is wooden or liquid. What are we talking about?
Answer:   Chair
Lukyanov Alexey, Stavropol
2851

On one island stands an apple tree with a boy, and on the other - a hospital with a grandmother. Between the islands of the bridge. The boy should bring 2 apples to his grandmother, but the bridge can withstand only one boy and one apple. After the boy passes, the bridge will collapse. And there are sharks in the water. How can he transfer apples?
Answer:   The boy on the bridge will juggle
shtitinin Kirill, Zelenograd
2147

You dropped the ring in the coffee. How to get it without wetting your hands, if you have nothing and you can't pour the coffee?
Answer: Coffee beans
Mega Mashustik, Moscow
2721

On the pope sitting in the ass looking. What is the profession of a person?
Answer: The coachman or the driver
Ogurtsov Alexander, Moscow
2763

It was winter. I lost my brother Ivanushka my sister Alenushka. The mother says to him: “Go through the forest, field, field, forest, field, forest, field, field.” He went to the forest, field, field, forest ... and he sees: there is a big river in front of him. How can he cross the river?
Answer:   On the ice (it was winter)
asya, Moscow
2286

What does a man do once in a lifetime, and a woman constantly?
Answer:   1) Climbs out of the skirt 2) A woman always breathes in the chest, and a man just before death
Heinzelmannchen
2235

Which note and product is called lonely?
Answer:   Salt
anonim -
2558

Father Mary has 5 daughters: Chacha, Chichi, Cheche, Chocho. What is the name of 5 daughter?
Answer:   Mary
anonymous, Moscow
3906

From head to tail 12 m, and from tail to head 0 m. What is it?
Answer: Year (m - months)
Chemrov Kirill, Voronezh
2740

The gnome lived on the 6th floor. He rode the elevator 3 floors, and the other 3 walked down the stairs. Why?
Answer:   He was small and did not reach the 6th floor button.
Anonymous
3122

It is a mill, in it lives the watchman. The watchman has a dog. At that mill there are four windows, four windows have four cats, each cat has four kittens, each kitten has four mice. How many legs are there?
Answer:   Two legs (in animal paws)
Peycheva Elizaveta, Onega
1739

It is a prison, near the hospital. There are rails around them, and a train is moving around at high speed on rails. One boy needs to get to the grandfather in prison, and one girl to the grandmother to the hospital. How do they do this if the train does not stop?
Answer:   The boy needs to throw the girl under the train, then he will go to prison, and the girl will be taken to the hospital.
Mahmood
2551

Jail. Around the prison bypass river. 3 convicts plan to escape at different times, they do not know about each other. The 1st convict escapes from prison, swims across the river, suddenly a shark eats it. The 1st convict died. The 2nd escapes, floats across the river, suddenly the prison guards noticed him, swam quickly on the boats, stunned him, pulled him out by hair and shot him while trying to escape. Died and the 2nd convict. 3rd convict escapes. He swam across the river, nothing prevented him, ran on and disappeared. Run away 3rd convict. Question: where did I deceive you in three places? If you guess all three cheats, I will treat you to beer.
Answer:   1) There are no sharks in the river 2) Zeki is bald 3) I won't treat you
Denis Olegovich
2519

In one city came the sage. He knew everything in the world. People came to the sage for advice, and the sage helped everyone. In the town there lived a boy. Having heard that a sage appeared in the city, the boy decided to test the abilities of this sage. The boy was cunning. Therefore, he caught the butterfly and squeezed it between the palms so that it could be released or crushed. And then this boy came to the wise man with a butterfly between his palms.
- Listen to me! If you are really very wise and help people, guess if the butterfly is alive in my hand?
If he had answered “alive,” the boy would have crushed a butterfly. If he had answered "dead," the boy would have released a butterfly. What did the sage answer?
Answer:   All in your hands
Bazhenova Victoria, Tomsk
1789

Four guys played football in the yard.
  Someone broke the window. The hostess asked:
  - Who broke the window?
  Seryozha said:
  - The window broke or Yura, or Misha.
  Yura said:
  - I did not break the window.
  Igor said:
  - Misha did it.
  And Misha said:
  - Igor is mistaken.
  Three guys always tell the truth, and the fourth is unknown. Who broke the window?
Answer:   Misha
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1632

The principal has a brother, Nikolay. But Nicholas has no brothers. Could this be?
Answer:   Yes. The headmaster can be a woman
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2799

Not on any planet. This is only on Earth.
Answer: Letters "Z", "L", "I"
Chemrov Kirill, Voronezh
2887

Sasha has a father Ivan, Ivan has a brother Kolya, Kolya has a son Petya, Petit has a brother. Although Kolya has only one son. How can this be?
Answer:   Petit has a cousin Sasha
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1808

Two friends considered passersby. One sat on the spot and counted all passers-by. And the second went back and forth and counted those who meet him halfway. Who counted more?
Answer:   Equally. The second goes in one direction considers one another
Chemrov Kirill, Voronezh
1379

Once, a collector of old money saw a coin in an antique shop, on which the date stood: 175th year BC. This Roman coin was slightly damaged, but was of great value. It was not expensive. But the collector did not buy it. Why?
Answer:   The collector realized that he had a fake in his hands, because the master who made the coin did not know that he was living “BC”.
Katya
1830

My life can be measured in hours. I serve when I devour. When I'm thin, I'm fast. When I'm fat, I'm slow. The wind is my enemy. Who am I?
Answer:   Candle
Kirill, Voronezh
1661

What is warmer fur coats?
Answer:   2 fur coats
VOROBYEVA ALYONA, CHAPAEVSK
3225

In which city is blood flowing?
Answer:   Vein
fadeeva Eugenia, Moscow
2647

Three people had dinner at the restaurant. Lunch cost 25 euros. Each one took out 10 euros from the wallet, which turned out to be 30. The waiter took 30 euros and brought the change - 5 euros. They decided to leave 2 euros for tea, and the remaining 3 euros were divided among themselves - 1 euro each. They began to count: each person spent 9 euros for lunch, but if 3x9 = 27, plus 2 euros for tea, then it turns out 29 euros in total. Where did another 1 euro go?
Answer:   That's right: 27 (25 lunch + 2 for tea) + 3 (change) = 30 euros, that is, 2 euros for tea are already included in 27 euros, and they incorrectly attributed it to the remaining 3 euros
4090

How much land does a pit have a diameter of 3 meters and a depth of 3 meters?
Answer:   Not at all (empty pits)
9400

What notes can measure the distance?
Answer: Mi-la-mi
10451

What constellations are the names of the birds?
Answer: Swan, Eagle
10015

What bird is called the part of a musical instrument?
Answer:   Griffin
7791

What bird is the name of the ship?
Answer: Frigate
8494

What bird is called porridge?
Answer: Oatmeal
8557

What bird is the name of the fruit?
Answer:   Kiwi
anonymous
2358

In the field lies a dead man. For miles around not a single living soul. Next to the man is a bag. Who is he and how did this poor fellow die?
Answer:   This parachutist and parachute he did not open
6021

A student of the 1st grade solves this riddle in 5 minutes, a high school student in 15 minutes, a student in 1 hour, the professor will never solve. Riddle: decipher oddchpshvvdd
Answer:   one two three four...
Anisimova Tatyana
2266

The flock flew, not at all big. How many birds and what?
Answer:   Seven owls (~ quite)
9708

There is one in heaven, there is no earth on it, grandmother has two, and grandfather does not.
Answer: Letter B
BASHKAEVA ALICE, GROZNY
2130

What can be seen if nothing is visible?
Answer:   Steam
Lapina Alinochka, Pospelovka
1851

In the forest, it is not usual
  In the river she is alone
  The barn does not fit
  And in their wallet two!
Answer: Letter K
MAGOMADOVA ALICE, GROZNY
1823

Three friends lived in the forest: Deaf, Dumb, and Blind. All was good. But somehow the Deaf died. How now will Dumb tell Blind that their Deaf friend has died?
Answer:   It is not necessary to explain a bit that the Deaf is dead. The blind did not see him and did not talk to him.
Efi
1631

A guy and a girl were walking along the cliff.
She: do you love me?
He: Yes!
She: could you fold down for me?
What two words did he say if they went on safe and sound?
Answer: push me
Nikitina Anastasia, Chelyabinsk
1785

What is in the center of the earth?
Answer: Letter M
Blabanova Kira, Volzhsky
2019

Two young Cossacks, both dashing riders, often fought among themselves about a pledge who would outrun whom. Not once one, then the other was a winner. Finally, they are tired of it. Gregory said: “Let's argue the opposite. Let the mortgage go to the one whose horse will come to the designated place second, not the first. ”“ Okay! ”Answered Mikhail. The Cossacks rode their horses to the steppe. The audience gathered a lot: everyone wanted to look at such a wonder. One old Cossack began to count, clapping in his palm: “Once! Two! Three! .. ”The debaters, of course, do not displace. The spectators began to laugh, to judge and confront, and decided that such a dispute was impossible and that the disputants would stand, as they say, until the end of the century. Then a gray-haired old man approached the crowd, having seen different types in his lifetime: “What is the matter?” He was told. The old man answered: “Ege! So I’ll tell them now such a word that they will jump like scalded ones. ”Indeed, the old man approached the Cossacks, said something to them, and after half a minute the Cossacks were already rushing along the steppe in full speed, trying to overtake each other. But the mortgage was still won by the one whose horse came second. What did the old man say?
Answer:   The old man whispered to the Cossacks: sit down each on the enemy's horse
Adianova Tanya
1151

On the island kept a prisoner. He was kept in a concrete chamber, where there are no doors and windows, but only a small gap into which the bread was put dry. A few weeks later, there was a mountain of bones in the cell. Where did she come from?
Answer:   He was given bread with fish soup
Robert
1229

The room had 12 chickens, 3 rabbits, 5 puppies, 2 cats, 1 rooster and 2 chickens. The owner entered the room with the dog. How many legs were in the room?
Answer:   Two, animal paws
4197

Do horses go to the ball?
Answer:   Yes, they go to the balcony
Ala
2434

The young guy told what riddles cellmates in prison make to a newcomer.

ATTENTION! For owners of a smartphone on Android, there is a bonus at the end of the article!

This prison game is a famous registration, it scares the green convicts even earlier, even in the preliminary detention cells of the police, where there is always a seasoned or just talkative and eager to frighten the neighbor. Usually, such puzzles are given to beginners for fun, but the puzzles themselves and the answers to them will make you understand what applies to you will be based on the answers. From prison games do not refuse. Try to give at least a couple of them the correct answer.

Two chairs (classic):  There are two chairs, on one peaks are turned, on the other x * and others * cheny, on which one will you sit down, on which mother will you plant?
Answer:  I will take the peaks of the cut, cut down the x * and others, I'll sit down myself and plant the mother.
Answer number 2:  I'll sit on the peaks myself, I'll put my mother on my knees.

Parachute:  You fly with a parachute, on the right - a forest of xy * s, on the left - a sea of ​​gov * a. Where are you going to sit?
Answer:  In every forest there is a glade, and in every sea - an island.

Pit:  You fell into a hole. In the pit pie and x * d. What do you eat, what in * oops you will thrust?
Answer:  I'll take the pie and get out of the hole.

* oops or mother?  In F * poo you will give or mother will sell?
Answer:  F * pa is not given, the mother is not for sale.

Fork:  Question in the forehead: A fork in the eye or in x * poo time?
Answer:  And there are no forks in the zone.
Answer number 2:  Something I do not see one-eyed.

Soap or bread?  What do you eat - soap from the table or bread from the bucket?
Answer:  The table is not a soap dish, a stool is not a bread box.

About Sahara:  You and Kent are walking in the Sahara Desert. At a distance of a hundred kilometers there is no housing, no settlements, no one and nothing but sand. Suddenly a poisonous snake crawls out, rushes to Kent and bites him for x * d. What are you going to do?
Answer:  If Kent has a prick above the knee, then the snake will not reach. If below - then he sucks.
Answer number 2:  Today Kent, and tomorrow cop.

About the train:  You ride the train, chained to the arms, you can turn them either to the left or to the right. Ahead is a fork in the road - on the right, mother is tied to a pole, ten to the left are kenty. Where will you turn, whom you will crush?
Answer:  Today kents, and tomorrow cops.
The answer to all the riddles listed above:  Wake up

About bones:  Snakes sitting on shkonare, open the feeder and give gruel, dry bread. In the morning again open the feeder and see the bones. Question: where are the bones from if the convict is alive?
Answer:  Dice.

About roosters:  There were two roosters, one before dinner, and the other after dinner, who was worse?
Answer:  Who is already worse.

In addition to such mysteries, citizens of prisoners can offer a newcomer a series of tests for ingenuity and ingenuity.

Football:  They draw a football goal on the wall and a ball on the floor. They say to score a goal. What will you do?
Answer:  Ask for a pass.

Broom: They give you a broom and say: "Play something on the guitar." What will you do?
Answer:  Give a broom with the words "And you are in the mood first"

Sew a bottle:  Bottle smash and say: "Sew." What will you do?
Answer:  Ask to turn inside out.

Accordion:  They ask to play on the battery, like on a button accordion. What will you do?
Answer:  Ask inflating fur.

Pilots and miners:  Who will you be? - ask a novice. Unknown and incomprehensible both. Well, a miner, he answers. Then crawl under the bunkers, there is slaughter, collect coal. He crawls, wiping dust and dirt under the plank bed.

Get out. Now who will you be? Well, probably a better pilot, he says. He is blindfolded with a towel. From which boom will you fly - from the bottom or from the top? - ask him. Scared if, say - from the bottom. But he has already heard and understands that the main thing is not to prove to be a coward in any circumstances. From the top, he answers. Will you fall on dominoes or placed chess? - ask him.

When you stand blindfolded, a picture of how you fly flat from two meters to the tips of the placed figures appears very vividly. It’s bad if a newcomer domino chooses: they will make him fall down, and his registration will start to tighten. But if he overcomes himself and calmly says: to chess, there will be three more fears and nothing more.

While the figures will be placed, while they are sitting on the backboard, and the seconds are the most terrible, when you have to fly off of it yourself - to fall down blindly all over. Sharply jerked - was not - he flops, expecting sharp pain, but falls on a stretched blanket.

Pain Resistance:  A beginner may be offered to compete with one of the old-timers in resistance to pain. They are both blindfolded (first, old-timers), planted on both sides of the table, and the novice scrotum, he feels it with horror, tightened with a thin rope, the end of which - as he is explained - is given to the opponent. And he is handed the end of the rope, also tied.

Start - strictly on command. He quickly pulls the rope, feels unbearable pain, screams and pulls harder, but the pain is even sharper, and he almost loses consciousness, because he pulls himself - the rope is simply slung around the table. He is untied and watched as he reacted to the mockery.

Bus: The newcomer, gets on all fours, and on his back who ponderously weights. Go! A newcomer passes two or three meters, the space that is usually in the chamber stops turning and taking a break. The rider passenger asks him what a stop. Keeping the tone of the game, novice calls any. Let's go further! It will last as long as he does not guess to say: the stop is final.

Astrologer:  A novice stargazer climbs under a padded jacket and must, through her sleeve extended upwards — the telescope — count loudly stars drawn on paper — he clearly sees them through the sleeve as if through a pipe. At this time, a basin of cold water unexpectedly poured over him through the sleeve - the basin for washing, for some reason called Alenka, is always in the chamber. How will a novice react to this by getting out wet under the general laughter of others?

Do you respect me?  Do you respect me? - asks one of the old-timers. Yes! - ready answers newcomer. Then drink a cup of water for my health. He drinks. Do you respect me? - asks the second. Then for me a mug. And in the chamber, as a rule, more than a dozen people. Cups after three or four it becomes torture. Guess, newcomer, guess at the second or third circle that you respect everyone and drink the last for general health.

Based on: Guberman, IM, Walking Around the Hut, M., Verb, 1993, p. 78-82.

Bonus for gadget owners on Android OS - In the playmarket there is an application-quest "Test for a convict 2.0". In this application you can independently pass a "registration" in the "hut", using the knowledge from this article.

Well, some delivering reviews on the app from the playmarket:

Prison riddles

A collection of prison puzzles that are asked to the newcomer to the cell. In certain places, based on your answer, your further fate may happen. Usually, these puzzles are given to beginners for fun, but the puzzles themselves and the answers to them will make you understand what applies to you replies. Try to give at least a couple of them the correct answer.

1. TWO CHAIRS (CLASSICS):

There are two chairs, on one the peaks are turned, on the other x * and others * cheny, on which one will you sit down, on which mother will you plant?

2.VILKA:
  Question in the forehead: A fork in the eye or in x * poo time?

3. SOAP OR BREAD?
  What do you eat - soap from the table or bread from the bucket?

4.BEAD BOTTLE:
  Bottle smash and say: "Sew." What will you do?

5. HAD THE MAN IN PRISON FOR 9 YEARS:
  They put the man in jail for a strict 9 years. One day, his godfather (the head of the prison) says, you will guess the riddle for 9 years, I will let you go, well, the peasant agreed and the head said:
The word of 9 letters, there is in every home, ends in "dawn", but not TV. The man thought he thought a long 9 years and did not guess. He spent his 9 years coming home comes into the house and sees this object and dies of a heart attack.

TWO CHAIRS (CLASSICS): There are two chairs, on one peaks are turned, on the other x * and others * cheny, on which one will you sit down, on which mother will you plant?
Answer:  I will take the peaks of the cut, cut down the x * and others, I'll sit down myself and plant the mother.
Answer number 2:  I'll sit on the peaks myself, I'll put my mother on my knees.

PARACHUTE:
You fly with a parachute, on the right - a forest of xy * s, on the left - a sea of ​​gov * a. Where are you going to sit?Answer:  In every forest there is a glade, and in every sea - an island.

Question in the forehead: A fork in the eye or in x * poo time?
Answer:  And there are no forks in the zone.
Answer number 2:  Something I do not see one-eyed.

SOAP OR BREAD?
What do you eat - soap from the table or bread from the bucket?
Answer:  The table is not a soap dish, a stool is not a bread box.


ABOUT SUGAR:
You and Kent are walking in the Sahara Desert. At a distance of a hundred kilometers there is no housing, no settlements, no one and nothing but sand. Suddenly a poisonous snake crawls out, rushes to Kent and bites him for x * d. What are you going to do?Answer:  If Kent has a prick above the knee, then the snake will not reach. If below - then he sucks.

FOOTBALL: Draw a football goal on the wall, and a ball on the floor. They say to score a goal. What will you do?
Answer:  Ask for a pass.

========
BROOM:
They give you a broom and say: "Play something on the guitar." What will you do?Answer:  Give me a broom with the words "And you are in the mood first" SHOULD BOTTLE:
Bottle smash and say: "Sew." What will you do?
Answer:  Ask to turn inside out.

HAVE PLANTED A MAN IN PRISON FOR 9 YEARS:
  They put the man in jail for a strict 9 years. One day, his godfather (the head of the prison) says, you will guess the riddle for 9 years, I will let you go, well, the peasant agreed and the head said:
The word of 9 letters, there is in every home, ends in "dawn", but not TV. The man thought he thought a long 9 years and did not guess. He spent his 9 years coming home comes into the house and sees this object and dies of a heart attack.
Answer:  Television. The question is not about what the jailer made, but about the object about the male husband I first heard from the jailer (TV), and then I saw at home. And if you read the condition, you can understand it.