If the child does not want to write. The child does not want to write and learn, how to help

Every child has a desire to learn, develop, strive for better and more, every child wants good, kind and intimate relationships with native people, as well as acceptance, approval and recognition. If not, something has changed these desires. And the sooner we discover this something, the better!

Faced with the problem of unwillingness of their own children to study, parents more often: they get lost and don’t know what to do, they try to explain to the child how important it is to study well and what it can give in the future (good work, money, independence ...), they tell from their adult understanding what a “bad” study can lead to, scare us with various horror stories about doom in the future to be a janitor, a loader, etc., punish every kind of deprivation, get very tired, tense themselves and strain their children, get angry, upset, cry, complain ts, shout, think that the child delivers everything on purpose, just mocks .... Most often, all of the above does not work, the situation does not change. “Why does he not hear me, does not understand why the situation does not change?” The parent thinks.

And that's why.

To scare a child with the prospects of a distant future is meaningless, since he sincerely does not understand what the parent is talking about. The child thinks in the present, he cannot build such long logical chains in his head (especially if he is a primary school student!). Shouting, getting angry, threatening, crying, complaining means losing control over your emotions. Of course, in parental hands, power and power, and you can easily intimidate a child, he will even have a feeling of guilt and responsibility for the feelings of the parent (by the way, absolutely unbearable for him!) And he, of course, will do what they want from him, but what will happen to him in fact, the parent is unlikely to know, because he will close his world for him. To deprive a child of what is important and interesting for him is to deprive him of resources, a place where he draws strength, energy for life, including for study. It’s no secret, studying in a modern school is not sugar or honey. And more often than not, this is not a place where it’s healthy and good, where a child is noticed and accepted as a person, with his strengths and weaknesses, where he is welcome and where he draws strength. Most often, this is a must, this is a program, this is a focus on results, and the child is one of ... And well, if he can produce the desired result, then he has a chance to be accepted and noticed, and if not? The pressure on the parents begins, and from the parents - on the child. And most often the child is left alone with his difficulties. How much strength does the immature physically and mentally body need? And here also they deprive the last joys of ...

And after all, parents do all this out of good intentions and most often because they simply do not see the alternatives.

Therefore, the question "Who is to blame?" No answer. All parents want the best, but it turns out ... how it turns out ... How to break this vicious circle? How to change the situation to make it easier for everyone?

The first thing I propose to do is to have the courage to admit that you cannot cope with it, that everything listed above does not work and take responsibility for changing the situation, and not expect that someday the same road will lead you to another place, to another result.

Then, from the position “I am right (a) because the parent” to move to the position “Something happens to my child, it is important for me to understand that and help him” and try to establish contact with him. To do this, you must first of all remember and tell him that he himself, whatever happens to him, no matter how he studies, is important and necessary to you (let me remind you that this is a very dear person for you, your own, maybe even an only child! ). Then try to find out (if you don’t know yet) what he likes, what he likes and what he doesn’t like, what he feels and generally how he lives. To do this, you should not talk down with him, but with interest (as with your best friend). With interest, listen to him, rather than dismiss "they say, there is no time for you," spend time with him, at least half an hour a day, doing that he loves, without being distracted by phone calls and household chores. Especially carefully listen to him when it is difficult for him, when he has conflicts in a relationship, when someone has unfairly treated him. It is invaluable to reflect his feelings to him, to tell the child about his experiences regarding his actions, to be more human, to confess his feelings. Share with him your "school experience" and the difficulties that you have encountered. Instead of depriving him of important and favorite activities as a punishment, encourage him for achievements, for what he has done today better than yesterday, but not by material means (money and purchases), but by an interesting joint pastime. If you do not know how interesting it is to spend time together, look! Try different! Let your inner child manifest, let go of your importance and cleverness for a while. Remember that you were interested in your childhood. These can be board and outdoor games, playing football or with dolls, drawing together, sculpting (by the way, you can learn a lot about yourself and your child!), Traveling by bike, skiing, to the airport (see how airplanes take off) reading aloud together (so you can pull up speed and instill interest in reading in one), watching and discussing cartoons, movies, just fooling around on the couch or on the grass, massaging each other, cooking delicious unusual dishes, home concerts (turn on yourself, it's very interesting !) And much more.

Probably, it seems to you that you have absolutely no time for all this. But I assure you, once you start doing this and feel the interest, the time will be and the results are worth it.

Why all this and how does it relate to schooling, you ask? Directly!

All this will give your child confidence, raise his self-esteem, he will believe that he is important, important for you, he will see that parents are interested in him, spend time with him. You know perfectly well how important self-esteem is in life. And it should be noted that the child’s self-esteem is not formed by itself, but from how significant adults relate to the child.

The child will have interest, joy, energy. Then it is easier to cope with difficulties, there are forces. The child will feel protected (“I’m not alone, my parents are on my side and I’m not afraid of anything”). In the process of playing together, you will get to know each other better, become closer, and will be able to see what your child is most likely to do, what he does best, and this can help further with the choice of a profession. All this will help your child to grow as a “living” person, and not as a programmed robot, which gives out what they want from him, completely unaware of what he wants.

And further. Stop treating school as something very serious, important and decisive once and for all, whether your child is capable of something or not. No one knows your child better than you. School is only a stage of life. Long, important, sometimes difficult, unbearable in order to pass it alone. Have patience, a sense of humor, sensitivity, humanity, sensitivity, and strengthen your faith that your child is fine. And if the child does not want to learn, then it is difficult for him. And what is the difficulty, your task, as a parent, to find out. And it is better if you do it gently, easily, playing, being on his side. Believe, you will not regret!

With respect to you and faith in your parental wisdom, Natalya Medvedeva.

In no case do not scold her. This is a problem for many first-graders, especially since they only study for 2 weeks - even the child’s adaptation has not yet passed (psychologists believe that at least a month). What you can do well is elementary, and for a child it’s a lot of work (imagine that you don’t know how to do something, like driving a car, and a person who has been driving a car for a long time and well demands that you sat down and went without making any mistakes, and if something does not work out - he will scold you. Most likely you will be nervous in such a situation and drive the car even worse - the same thing with the child. But you are an adult and you decide for yourself that the instructor is inadequate - because it’s impossible to learn how to drive a car well 1-2 weeks and you will not particularly consider yourself guilty, and the child will consider yourself guilty, especially since you are an indisputable authority for your child at this age).
  If you scold for sluggishness, it will cause even greater sluggishness (any psychologist will tell you), and setting the child yourself as an example is also not very good (or even thinking that you were an excellent student while working with the child) - you are , and your child is a completely different person — perhaps with other talents (you won’t reproach yourself if it turns out that your child is fine, and you were not able to draw at that age), other abilities and interests.
  4 hours for first graders is a lot (in general, in elementary school it is not recommended to do homework for more than 2 hours, and in the 1st grade it is considered that they should not be asked to do). Better explain to her what needs to be done and leave yourself to do the ds (at the same time the child will learn and independence, you can’t sit with her all the time), and in half an hour see what she did and in any case praise wants to do better next time) and indicate where she did a little bit wrong. If not all have time to do - let rest 15-30 minutes. and then continue.
  And yet, I would have talked to the teacher: what is this grade "bad" in the second week of study? - non-pedagogical, at a minimum, and, in general, in the first grade should not give marks - usually stickers for a job well done (by the way, you may have been an excellent student and you were praised for writing it out of the fact that your teacher was smart (wise) and she was able to inculcate in children the desire to learn - it depends on the first teacher how the child will learn in high school).
Good luck and patience to you in this difficult task)) (I’ll say from my own experience: it was much easier for me to study at school myself than when my daughter studied).
16.09.2008 10:27:25,

All children are different and individuals. Each child is a personality, the formation of which depends on many factors. This - and the environment, climatic conditions, "weather in the house," heredity of parents and so on. How to make a child learn?

If the child does not want to write, what can be done?

There are children who are not interested in writing and lessons, they are interested in helicopters, cars more than books. In primary school, great attention is paid to writing in the list. Most children have bad handwriting and jump letters. In order for the child to write beautifully, it is necessary to develop the fine motor skills of the child's fingers. If a the child does not want to write, such classes can be applied:

• Construction
• Modeling
• Drawing
• Fingering small items
• Cleaning vegetables, such as onions and garlic, beans
• Coloring and Hatching Pictures

You can offer the child to shade the drawing with chopsticks, then, when he masters the technique, to shade the elements of the drawing with circles and loops. When a child learns to write in circles and loops, chopsticks, then the child will be able to write letters beautifully.

Be sure to praise the child for achievements. A girl can have a diary in which she will write, draw and paste photos. You can record all the events that occur during the day.

How to teach a child to write in words?

If a the child does not want to learn to write, then you need to act gently and not aggressively, because you can push the child away from you and he flatly refuses to learn, but all efforts should not be reduced to toys. Parents need to try to do everything in moderation and play and work. The child must understand the difference in these actions. How to teach a child to write in words? You need to make sure that the child has neurological problems, and he can cope with such loads. You need to make sure that the personal qualities of the teacher in the school influence the child well and the teacher treats the children well. Be sure to pay attention to the preschool classes. It is better to attend them. It is good, if they will pass, as game or its elements. Play with the kid at home in writing games, like at school. This and the child will be useful and will increase the level of his preparation for school.

• Game "Paratroopers"

Dots of different colors are drawn on the landscape sheet in the upper part. This is the parachutists. Below on a piece of paper draw a circle - the place of their landing. The task of the child straight lines to land paratroopers.

• Game "Archer"

At one end of the notebook sheet draw an arrow with a bow in hand. At the other end of the sheet draw a target. The shooter must aim at the target and hit the middle. A straight line onion should connect to the center of the target without interrupting the pencil from the paper.

There are many similar games with children, in order to teach a child to write in notebooks, you need more attention from parents. Teachers in preschool institutions also have a huge influence; therefore, parents should approach the choice of such an institution as responsibly as possible.

What if a six-year-old child refuses to learn to write? If, at the same time, he also begins to “behave badly”, causing irritation, and hence the teacher's complaints.

The first thing is to make sure that the child has no neurological prerequisites for such behavior. It is possible that the child’s nervous system cannot cope with the loads that must be performed in connection with the preschool. A neurologist can help determine if the child needs such support and arrange for medical supervision of this process, if necessary.

The second thing to pay attention to is the personal qualities of the teacher. For a small child, the person who deals with him is very important, his attitude towards children, attention to the fact that for six-year-olds, the game is a leading activity, not learning.

If you are most pleased to communicate with your son's teacher, then it is likely that he will have a good relationship with the boy, if you don’t like the teacher, then the child will most likely find it difficult. Chat with the teacher, listen to yourself.

Thirdly, in the preschool classes, the game element is of great importance. If you have the opportunity to attend classes, be sure to use it. The interest of the child in the learning process may depend largely on how exciting and entertaining the classes are. If you get bored during a half-hour lesson, then with a high degree of probability we can assume that the child in this lesson will also be bored. Meanwhile, preparing a hand for writing can be an exciting activity.

In such games you can play at home. At the same time prepare your hand to the letter and have fun.

The game "Paratroopers". In the upper part of the album sheet we draw several multi-colored dots (these are parachutists), at the bottom there is a small circle (the place of their landing). Task: with precise movements, straight lines from top to bottom, “land” your parachutists.

Game "Archer". At one end of the sheet is drawn an arrow with a bow in his hands, on the other - a target. The shooter aims at the target and hits it as accurately as possible (the bow is connected by a straight line with the center of the target, while the pencil does not detach from the paper).

Game "Airplane and the cloud." The child is asked to make one cloud “so dark” so that the plane through it cannot be seen at all, and the other one “light” so that the plane can be seen through it a little.

"Get to the point." An adult puts a dot on a piece of paper, draws the child’s hand with a pencil up to a distance of 10-15 cm from the sheet, and then offers the child to hit the point with a pencil tip.

"Circle the square". The child is asked to circle a square stencil with a pencil. The task assesses the child’s ability to stop at the edge. The "slipping" of the pencil from the edge of the stencil speaks of a lack of visual-motor coordination.

"Road". The child is given a sheet of paper on which the road to the house is drawn. It is proposed, without removing the pencil from the paper, to carry along the road "car" to the house so that it "went" exactly in the middle of the road, without touching the edges. In the exercise, you can change the width and configuration of the road.

"Rain". The child draws a different rain: straight, oblique, small, large, continuous. Depending on the rain, the drops are drawn in the form of strokes, solid lines, and dots. At the same time, graphic movements are accompanied by the words “drip-drip”, pronounced at a fast or slow pace.

"And now we will weave a carpet." An adult puts a dot on the sheet of paper where the carpet begins. "Three cells to the right. One cell up. One cell to the left. Two cells up. Three cells to the right. Two cells down. One cell to the left. One cell down. Three cells to the right. One cell up. One cell to the left. Two cells up." Then the child works independently. You can draw a graphic ornament or drawing yourself and then dictate it to the child.

Thus, from the routine practice of practicing the skill, preparing a hand for writing becomes an entertaining game.