Conjure a woman, conjure a grandfather: countries where witchcraft is the norm. Conjure a woman, conjure a grandfather: countries where witchcraft is the norm A gray top has come ...

Epigraph
From now on call me Sid
Master of Fire!
- Hey, lord of fire, your tail is on fire!
"Glacial period"

Good must be with fists. If it is without fists, then it is evil, because it was evil that in childhood was most often beaten on points by pumped-up classmates. For this reason, it grew evil, with plans to destroy the world in the glove compartment. It is not for nothing that there is an opinion among the people that the big elephant is kind, and the little pug is evil and vile. Being big and strong, being kind is relatively easy, because potential enemies will simply bypass you. In such conditions, believing in Santa Claus and dandelions is much easier. But to be skinny is to be beaten. Is it always? Not at all, and fantasy offers all non-muscular, but wiry characters a wonderful recipe to fend for themselves. Good can be dead, but with fists. You just need to know how to use magic.

Fuck it, grandpa..
Magic is one of the pillars on which all modern fantasy rests. Throw fireballs and curses out of the song - and you will automatically turn the fantasy world into some other one. Fantasy is, first of all, not an uncle with a sword in three human heights, but a dwarf girl with sparks flying out of her fingers. You can throw a slipper at me, but I am firmly convinced that magic is about 50% of the fantasy of the universe. And not a percentage less. But something I got carried away. It's like we're here on business. And the point is what happened to the spellcasting characters throughout the games of the Diablo series.

In the first part, the frail but promising racially chocolate Mage traveled to Tristram from the far east, where the carpets are so thick and the women wear curtains over their faces. The members of his Order were affectionately referred to by the game as the Brotherhood of Wizgereys, whose magical subversion had long been corrupting the blood of the entire Underworld. But back to our Magician. In a red combat robe, with a staff at the ready, he bravely descends into the dungeon, ready for anything .. and dies at the clutches of the first Fallen, if your arms are not straight enough. Yes, what do you want? Morgan Freeman from the world of Sanctuary is very weak in health, and at first inexperienced players constantly have to play orderlies, reincarnating grandfather a hundred times a day. At the end of the game, however, an experienced Mage calmly lays down half of the dungeon with one spell, but you still have to live to these levels. And he, rebellious, is looking for a storm in order to die in this storm. The game gave the Mage a couple of dozen spells to choose from, which he could raise all the way up to level 15. Do you want to bake succubus on low heat? Please! Do you want to destroy a horde of skeletons with a holy word? No problem. The difficulty was only to quickly switch between spells and not die at the very beginning. The rest was just a matter of technique. The magician became an indestructible tank, which could only be destroyed by a careless game. Further - more fun, because Diablo II is coming out.

Fuck it, grandma..
In the second part of the immortality, the swarthy Sorceress in a green bikini with a decent set of fiery-electro-freezing dirty tricks becomes the successor of the Mage's work. If our grandfather mainly plagued evil spirits with fire and lightning, then the Sorceress in most cases prefers the cold. A strange craving for ice for an inhabitant of warm lands, but oh well. In the presence of imagination, it is quite possible to write it down as the granddaughter or daughter of our red-robe sorcerer, who followed in the footsteps of her ancestor. They have a family, you know - to eradicate evil on the planet. However, the story is very categorical about the origin of the Sorceress: judge for yourself, the sorceresses of Zann Ezu are positioned by a completely different magical community than Vizdzherey. And if the latter desperately need world domination, then the witches sit peacefully in the wilderness and build houses from conjured snow.

Although in many ways the Sorceress is similar to her predecessor, it should be noted that Blizzard has greatly strengthened her, and she will put her Mage trainer on the shoulder blades with one left. In addition to a very extensive set of elemental spells, which are fiercely hated by all local weather forecasters, the Sorceress can teleport, or fly, as the people say. Being the most popular character for finding good gear, the sorceress in 1.10 becomes a terrible sonder hero, since the total damage from her spells is more like Bill Gates' bank account. The amount of damage, as well as the aforementioned teleport, are actively used by insidious PKs, lying in wait for victims in dark alleys and taking out their (victims, not alleys) ears with one spell. But on baal-runs, the Sorceress is almost irreplaceable, although due to relatively frail health (you know, you can’t argue against genetics), many players refuse to fly, citing a lack of mana. Although you and I know that they are simply afraid not to fit into the turn.

The gameplay for the Sorceress was extremely interesting. Throw an Ice Ball here, snap a Meteor there. O_O The presence of immunity to the elements of various monsters greatly puzzled the player at a hellish degree of difficulty, forcing either to download additional branches of spells, losing the damage of the main element, or to walk hand in hand with someone else, depicting Legolas with Gimli. However, due to the Teleport, any (or almost any) Sorceress could briskly skip the game, stopping for a short time only at key points. When rumors about the third part began to stir among the people, the stump is clear, Blizzard could not get past such a colorful character and, grabbing him by the breasts, dragged him into Diablo III. Meet the Wizard!

And, to hell with you, conjure together!
This time, the magic class came to us directly from the island of Xiansai, where talented pupils of the local magical school beat their teachers so much that they send them to the mainland in the hope of correction. And not just anywhere they are sent, but to Vizdzherei. According to the history of the class, young Sorcerers leave Vizdzherey with the ease of a bun, which left both grandmother and grandfather. Having read comics about superheroes, having a set of young pyrotechnics in their arsenal, the Sorcerers in the third part clearly claim the laurels of Harry Potter from the world of Sanctuary. Wayward, but very talented, they easily scatter hordes of evil spirits, destroying them with any spell that comes to hand, just like their historical ancestors. True, now there is no talk of external resemblance, since the Sorcerers clearly came from the Chinese branch of Sanctuary. Packed in clothes, which is somewhat atypical for spellcasting classes, they slyly squint their eyes and smile slyly, ready to bake any enemy in a fire. Sorcerers still wield the rare magical art of Avado and Avapost and slash monsters left and right, regardless of the degree of vitality.

True, the fight will now have to be more desperate, since Blizzard, wanting to surprise the players with a heart attack, has reduced the area affected by spells, and now, in order to kill a bunch of zombies, you will have to first run to this pile and stand almost back to back. Add to this the traditionally flimsy constitution and poor health - and you get the Kamikaze Sorcerer, who, briskly running around the battlefield and cursing non-stop, tries to put down the devils and save his skin. An endless stream of adrenaline is guaranteed.

In addition, not so long ago, the forge of the best games (IMHO, of course!) Declared that each hero will have their own energy. Our Asian friends were destined for Instability. I have no idea what it is and how it works, but, as someone joked in the comments, due to this energy, after the death of the hero, a characteristic nuclear fungus will be drawn at the place of death. I feel, however, that in this situation, the essence of the game for the Sorcerer will be to die in the worst place .. well, oh well. Every joke has its share of jokes, you know.

As for the set of spells, in many respects it repeats that of the second part. Fans of Sorceresses were delighted to see the beloved Teleporter, the murderous Meteor, the refreshing Blizzard and the many-headed Hydra in the preliminary announcements. But new ones have been added to the old “classic” spells, such as Slow Time and Electric Chain. Needless to say, the Witchcraft combat visuals are striking in their beauty and impact, and I'm beginning to understand Blizzard's decision to limit party members to four players. Four Sorcerers, huddled together, will arrange such an endless fireworks display on the screen that, compared to it, the visuals of the battles in Avatar will seem like a childish underpainting. Sparks fly, ice cubes freeze - and you stand in the center. Pleased to introduce myself, Director of Earthquake, very nice!

The audience is discussing, discussing .. finished discussing!
When the Sorcerer was announced at BlizzCon "e-2008, the players were impressed for a very long time. In the overwhelming majority of cases, it was purely positive, since the style of the game for the Sorceress was very carefully transferred to the third part, and the gameplay was seen as interesting and exciting. According to the surveys, the third the class immediately topped the rating of heroes for the right of the first night, leaving the Barbarian and the Witch Doctor far behind.Spell branches, as well as the spells themselves, were considered by many to be at least curious and worthy of attention, and all the complaints of the players were mainly to the gameplay video, when the Sorceress was walking a superhero stomping in Leoric's dungeon. They say that everything looks primitive somehow for a game that has been in development for so long. Otherwise, the players were satisfied, and when someone especially big-eyed saw the class spheres of magicians, there was no limit to joy.

However, some original players took the ban on the use of such hammers with hostility, arguing that if their game wants to pump the Sorcerer-Hulk, no one has the right to forbid them to do this. However, at the moment, Blizzard, through the mouth of Bashiok, has confirmed that the ban is still in effect, and no one plans to lift it yet. That's it.

You can talk for a long time about what the Wizards will be like when the third part is finally completed. It may also happen that everything will not turn out as rosy as the players imagine. However, I will, out of habit, believe in the best and hope that the most magical class will turn out to be as cool as we all imagine. It's magic after all, and maybe Blizzard won't be greedy and spend as much mana on Sorcerers as it takes to make this class worthy of their ancestors.

Shurik at Grandfather's - a story by Nikolai Nosov, which will be of interest to children of all ages. It shows the life of two brothers with grandparents in the village. The guys from the first day climbed the whole house. Here they found real treasures: a galosh, a glass jar and a fishing rod. What adventures await the brothers yet, find out from the fairy tale with the children. She teaches the ability to explore the surrounding space, invent games, dive into fun adventures on their own without the help of adults.

In the summer, Shurik and I lived with my grandfather. Shurik is my younger brother. He is not yet at school, and I have already entered the first grade. But he doesn't listen to me anyway... Well, don't! I found a glass jar of jam and a round iron box for shoe polish. And Shurik found an old doorknob and a big galosh on his right foot.

Then we almost got into a fight with him in the attic over a fishing rod. I saw the rod first and said:

- Chur, mine!

Shurik also saw and let's shout:

- Chur, mine! Chur, mine!

I grabbed the fishing rod, and he also grabbed it and let's take it away.

I was angry - like a turd! .. He flew off to the side and almost fell. Then he says:

- You think I really need your fishing rod! I have a galosh.

“Here, kiss your galoshes,” I say, “and there’s nothing to tear the fishing rod out of your hands.”

I found a shovel in the barn and went to dig worms, To catch fish, and Shurik went to his grandmother and began to ask her for matches.

Why do you need matches? Grandma asks.

- I, - he says, - will make a fire in the yard, put a galosh on top, the galosh will melt, and rubber will turn out of it.

- What else can you think of! Grandma waved her hands. “You’ll burn the whole house down here with your mischief. No, my dear, don't ask. What are these toys with fire! And I don't want to hear anything.

Then Shurik took the door handle, which he found in the barn, tied a rope to it, and tied a galosh to the other end of the rope. He walks around the yard, holding the rope by the handle, and the galosh follows him on the ground. Where he is, there she is. He came up to me, saw that I was digging worms, and said:

You don't have to try, you won't catch anything anyway.

- Why? I ask.

- I'll enchant the fish.

“Please,” I say, “conjure for health.”

I dug up the worms, put them in a box and went to the pond. The pond was behind the yard - where the collective farm garden begins. I planted a worm on the hook, sat down on the shore and cast the bait. I sit and watch the float. And Shurik crept up behind and let's shout at the top of our lungs:

Conjure, woman, conjure, grandfather,
Conjure, gray bear!
Conjure, woman, conjure, grandfather,
Conjure, gray bear!

I decided to keep quiet and not say anything, because it's always like this with him: if you say something, it will be even worse.

Finally, he conjured up, threw a galosh into the pond and began to drag it along the water on a rope. Then he came up with such a thing: he would throw a galosh in the middle of the pond and let's throw stones at it until it drowned, and then begin to pull it out from the bottom on a rope.

At first I silently endured, and then I can’t stand it:

- Get away from here! I scream. You scared all my fish away! And he says:

“You won’t catch anything anyway: the fish is bewitched.

And again plop the galosh in the middle of the pond! I jumped up, grabbed a stick - and to him. He let's run away, and the galosh behind him on the rope is jumping. Barely ran away from me.

I returned to the pond and started fishing again. Caught, caught ... The sun has already risen high, and I'm still sitting and looking at the float. The fish do not bite, even crack! I’m angry at Shurik, I’m ready to beat him right up. It’s not that I believed in his witchcraft, but I know that if I come without fish, I will laugh. Whatever I did: I cast the line farther from the shore, and lowered the hook closer and deeper - nothing came of it.

I wanted to eat, I went home, suddenly I hear someone pounding on the gate: “Boom-boom! Bang bang!

I go to the gate, I look, and this is Shurik. He took out a hammer and nails somewhere and nailed a doorknob to the gate.

- What are you nailing for? I ask.

He saw me, he was delighted:

- Hee hee! The fisherman has arrived. Where is your fish?

I speak:

- Why are you nailing the pen? There is also one pen here.

“Nothing,” he says, “let there be two. Suddenly one will come off.

He nailed the handle, and he still had one nail left. He thought for a long time what to do with this nail, he just wanted to drive it into the gate, then he came up with an idea: he put the galosh with the sole on the gate and began to nail it with a nail.

- And what is this for? I ask.

- So simple.

“Just stupid,” I say.

Suddenly we look - grandfather is coming home from work. Shurik was frightened, let's tear off the galosh, but it does not come off. Then he got up, blocked the galosh with his back, and stood there.

Grandfather came up and said:

- Well done guys! Just arrived - and immediately to work ... Who came up with the idea to nail the second handle to the gate?

- This, - I say, - Shurik.

Grandpa just chuckled.

- Well, - he says, - now we will have two handles: one on top, the other on the bottom. Suddenly some short man will come. He can’t reach the top handle, so he will reach the bottom one.

Then grandfather noticed a galosh:

— What else is this?

So I snorted. "Well, - I think, - now Shurik will be from his grandfather."

Shurik blushed, he did not know what to answer here.

And grandpa says:

- What is it? It's probably like a letter box. The postman will come, see that there is no one at home, put the letter in a galosh and go on. Very cleverly thought out.

- This is what I came up with! Shurik boasted.

— Really?

- Honestly!

- Well done! Grandpa threw up his hands.

At dinner, grandfather shrugged and told his grandmother about this galosh:

“You see, what a witty child! What I came up with, you won't even believe it! You understand, galosh to the gate, huh? I have been saying for a long time that it is necessary to nail the letter box, otherwise I won’t realize that it’s easier to galosh.

"Okay," Grandma smiled. - I'll buy a box, but for now let the galosh hang.

After dinner, Shurik ran into the garden, and grandfather said:

- Well, Shurik has already distinguished himself with us, and you, Nikolka, also, I suppose, have worked out something. You already confess, please your grandfather.

- I, - I say, - was fishing, but the fish is not caught.

- Where did you fish?

- In the pond.

- Eh ... - grandfather drawled, - what kind of fish is here? This pond was recently dug. Here, even the frogs have not yet divorced. And you, my dear, do not be lazy, go to the river. There at the bridge the current is fast. On this rapid and catch.

Grandfather went to work, and I took a fishing rod and told Shurik:

Let's go to the river, let's go fishing together.

“Yeah,” he says, “I was scared! Now suck up!

- Why should I suck up?

- And so that I do not conjure anymore.

“Conjure,” I say, “please.”

I took a box of worms, a jar of jam, so that there was where to plant the fish, and went. And Shurik trudged behind.

They came to the river. I settled down on the shore, not far from the bridge, where the current was faster, and cast my line.

And Shurik huddled around me and kept mumbling:

Conjure, woman, conjure, grandfather,
Conjure, gray bear!
Shut up a little, shut up, and then again:

Conjure, woman, conjure, grandfather ...
Suddenly the fish will bite, I will pull the bait! The fish flashed in the air, fell off the hook, fell on the shore and, well, danced near the water itself.

Shurik how to shout:

- Hold her!

Rushed to the fish and let's catch. The fish jumps along the shore, and he rushes right at her with his stomach, he can’t catch it in any way; she almost ran back into the river.

Finally he grabbed her. I filled a jar of water, Shurik put a fish in it and began to look at it.

“This,” he says, “perch. Honestly, perch! You see the stripes he has. Chur, mine will be!

- All right, let it be yours. We'll catch a lot more.

On this day we fished for a long time. We caught six perches, four minnows and even fished out one brush.

On the way back, Shurik carried a can of fish and didn't even let me hold it. He was very glad and not at all offended when he saw that his galosh had disappeared, and instead of it a brand new blue letter box was hanging on the gate.

“So be it,” he said. - In my opinion, the box is even better than galoshes.

He waved his hand and quickly ran to show the fish to his grandmother. Grandma complimented us.

And then I told him:

“You see, you have been conjuring!” Your sorcery means nothing. I don't believe in witchcraft.

— Wu! Shurik said. - Do you think I do? It is only savages who believe and old women.

By this, he made his grandmother very amused, because although her grandmother was old, she also did not believe in witchcraft.

Conjure, woman, conjure, grandfather.

There have been sorcerers in Russia since time immemorial. People were afraid of their brothers, endowed with witchcraft charms, but on occasion they always turned to them for help. And those, to the best of their strength and abilities, worked miracles: they spoke winds, caused thunders, storms and rains, multiplied wealth, produced cattle, bestowed love, happiness, health and success in business on a person.

Down with bedbugs

This was in the late 1950s. The family of Ivan S., who was then 12 years old, lived in the village of Novaya Komushka near Ulan-Ude. And not far from there, in the village of Sosnovy Bor, my mother's friend Valentina lived. Her husband was a forester in the local forestry. One day, Ivan's mother decided to visit her friend, who had been inviting her for a long time. The summer turned out to be fruitful for berries, and Vanya's mother hoped to gather lingonberries in the forest, and who, if not the forester's wife, knew the best lingonberry places ?!

On the eve of the trip, Vanya persuaded his mother to take his bosom friend Styopka with him. So a company of three people on the fold they got to Sosnovy Bor. We arrived in the evening, it was already getting dark, had dinner and went to bed early to go to the forest at dawn. The hostess made a bed for them in the hall on the floor. Before the guests had time to fall asleep, they heard some strange rustle in the room. Woke up and - oh, horror! - they couldn't believe their eyes. Bed bugs attacked them from all sides. They fell from the ceiling like rain and spread around. The guests somehow got dressed and ran out into the yard. Bewildered and frustrated owners ran out behind them.

Aunt Valentina, my mother's friend, attacked her husband Pavel:

For a long time I asked you to bring Vasilyich. Look what it's come to. In the morning, first of all, run to him for help.

The hosts made a bed for themselves and us in the summer kitchen, and there until the morning they turned over. We got up at sunrise and went to the forest for a berry, and when we returned home, the same Vasilyich appeared two hours later. He was a short, strong, bearded old man. He had one feature: one eye would be brown, the other green. Vanka remembered this all his life, because the old man looked at him intently, winked and turned to his mother with the words: “Oh, and your walker will be like girls! See that you don’t bring the black-eyed into the house - you won’t get grief. Then his mother did not really listen to his words - it was not up to that.

Grandfather asked for an old birch broom. Aunt Valya ran after him to the bathhouse. The sorcerer took a broom and entered the house. Whispering some words, he began to go around one room after another, poking at the same time with a broom in the corners and along the baseboards. Then he put a broom at the jamb of the front door to the kitchen, closed the door and said that in three hours the broom should be thrown away. The hostess gave him a bundle in gratitude, and the old man left. In the evening they opened the door and saw that the broom was already moving from bedbugs. It was a living mass, reminiscent of a bee swarm. Mom's friend carried it out and shoved it into the burning stove of the summer kitchen. That night the hosts and guests slept peacefully in the house. There were no more bedbugs. The next morning, the guests went to their home.

Years passed, Vanya grew up, turned into a handsome guy and, indeed, went on a spree. The parties continued until one girl - a conductor from the Trans-Baikal Railway - sunk into his soul. She was black-eyed and sharp-tongued. Both Ivan and his mother completely forgot their grandfather's words, and remembered later, after the trouble that happened to Ivan. Returning from a business trip, he caught his young wife in the house with another. A terrible fight ensued, during which the lover cut off Ivan's finger with a kitchen knife. Well, the neighbors came running to the screams, separated the fighting, otherwise it is not known how it would have ended.

snake charmer

The Nikolaev region in Ukraine is continuous steppes. There are places, the so-called salt marshes, where the soil is not suitable for anything, there are so many salts in it. On one of them there was a village in which the sorceress known throughout the district lived - Baba Agapka. She never did harm to people, on the contrary, she did good. The sorceress was famous for her ability to breed snakes. When asked how she did it, she kept her mouth shut and frowned in response. The old woman did not reveal her secrets to anyone. And it usually happened like this. In the spring, snakes woke up and began to harm people. Especially a lot of them were found on salt marshes. Usually from the villages where there were salt marshes nearby, petitioners came to the witch. Grandmother sat on a cart and, as now the Ministry of Emergency Situations, went to save the villagers from reptiles. She came, looked around, cut a long and thick branch from a bush, cleaned it of small branches and leaves, and then drove all the chickens into the chicken coop. And all the chicken coops in the yards were surrounded by a dense fence of planks dug deep into the ground without a single crack. But the trouble is that stubborn snakes made holes under the fence and penetrated into the pens. Chickens were doomed, and chickens - a real snake dessert - and even more so. Grandmother drew a small circle on the ground inside the chicken pen with a long stick and stuck a branch strictly in the center of the circle. Then she left the corral, closed the gate behind her and occupied an "observation post" behind the fence. After a while, the snakes began to crawl out of their holes. But all as one, as if under hypnosis, crawled to a branch stuck in the ground in the center of the circle, climbed up the branch, twisting rings on it. When a branch under the weight of reptiles began to bend, Agapka gave a command to the owner. He went into the corral, covered the branch with reptiles with a bag, turned so that the snakes fell into the bag and carried it to the backyard, where he doused it with kerosene and set it on fire. The grandmother received a reward for her labors and returned home to go to another village at the first request. There were never snakes in her village.

paper bundle

This story happened in the middle of the last century near the Kazakh city of Kustanai (now it is called Kostanay). Young men and women rushed there from almost all sides of the Soviet Union - to raise virgin soil. A young couple from Western Ukraine also arrived. They were sent to the village as teachers - both graduated from a pedagogical school. The young people arrived, looked around and chose an old abandoned hut on the outskirts for housing. There was nothing in it, except for an old, sagging trestle bed and a muddy mirror on the wall. But the young people quickly collected some goodness from the huts, washed and cleaned out the old housing, hung curtains on the windows, put pots of flowers on the windowsills and began to live.

At first everything was fine. But now the young people began to notice that at night someone walks in the attic and coughs. Further more. Sometimes it seemed as if the decrepit ceiling was about to collapse from the clatter and roar. Young people were baptized, read prayers - nothing helped. And one night they almost turned gray at all. Suddenly the front door swung open, and an icy cold blew from the street. And then someone howled terribly! The young people jumped up from their old couch and rushed to close the door. How it could open was a mystery, because the door was closed on an iron latch.

In general, there was no life for young people in this house. They told their neighbors about their misadventures, they sent them to the local fortune-teller aunt Marina.

In that house, - the aunt told them, puffing on her pipe, - there is an evil spirit. The sorceress grandmother Motrya cursed this house. She did not want anyone to live in her house, and she was furious, she hated all people fiercely, she drank a lot of people's blood. The hut is already a century old, and no one has lived in it for a long time, and those who settled, the evil spirits, like you, did not give life. I know she hid a bundle with a curse in the house. If you find it, bring it here.

The young people returned to the house, turned it upside down, but only when they broke open the floors, they found an old newspaper tied with twine, and in it a piece of decayed paper, on which the inscription was no longer visible. They took the young find to Marina, but no one knows what she did with it. According to rumors, she spoke. She came out all red, shabby, but pleased with herself. She said that now in the house you can live in peace. And the truth is, the evil spirits of the teacher's couple did not bother anymore.

An expression of hope that someone help and get better in the future.

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"Conjure, woman, conjure, grandfather, conjure, gray bear" in books

The gray wolf has arrived...